Thomas Jason White

Unfamiliar with Fandom

2012-02-27T16:36:00.000-06:00

I tweeted over the weekend a tweet that didn't sit too well with at least one person:

"I don't think I like having "fans," or at least meeting them. I'm terrible at small talk, as usually are they. Always awkward."

What I meant was that I always find it awkward to meet people who know me from TV because I'm terrible at small talk, creating an awkward situation that's likely a disappointment for the viewer. That's what I meant, although I tried to word it in a more amusing manner. Unfortunately, my use of quotation marks around the word "fans" and mention of how some of them aren't good at small talk either, though true, didn't leave the intended impression.

The tweet was prompted by meeting an older woman at my grandfather's 80th birthday party on Sunday. When I walked into his kitchen, this woman look at me and said something along the lines of "I know you! Aren't you on TV?" Already nervous about the amount of people in my grandparents' home (since I'm claustrophobic in crowds of people,) I panicked a bit. It's awkward to have someone approach you with this twinkle of wonder in their eye, an obvious sign of expectations. My mind immediately goes to the belief that the person greeting me is a fan of News 8 and has seen me on one of the newscasts and is not so much of fan of my work as they are of the station and is, therefore, intrigued with me by proxy. My second thought is that there's now an expectation of seeing someone on TV, on a station they like, and how I need to live up to that image of community, friendliness and news knowledge, but likely will not because I am terrible at small talk. My third thought is that this person knows a bit about me, but I know nothing about them. It's a little weird and I tend to clinch up and stumble over my words. At any rate, I didn't know what to say and she just kept staring at me with these twinkling eyes, not really knowing what to say, either. It was awkward and I wanted to tweet about it. The tweet was inspired by one incident, which I have experienced before, but does not represent my impression of all people who are fans of News 8 and have seen me on TV.

It's also worth noting that none of this applies to people who know me in the local theatre community. I can talk for hours about theatre, so there's no issue there. Though I do quickly assess whether my last review of someone's work or show was positive or negative, I quite enjoy the chance to talk with someone about theatre rather than just write about it.

Opinionless Lent

2012-02-22T13:37:00.001-06:00

Mrs. Newt Gingrich joked today that she's giving up her opinion for Lent. While I don't follow the religious tradition for religious reasons, I'm inclined to follow her lead and give up my opinion for Lent, too.

By that, I mean I might give up posting anything political, religious or opinionated on any social networks. What purpose does it serve anyway? The people who probably need to hear the message don't anyway. I'm not going to change the world by posting a link on my Facebook timeline. So, who does it serve? Does it serve my own sense of self-worth or justify, in my mind, that I'm right? If that's all it does, then posting things that are in line with my beliefs, opinions and expectations of others is worthless. I should spend more time looking in at myself than looking out at others.

It also stirs up trouble I'm not ready to handle. All to often, I'm of the mistaken subconscious mindset that the point I want to make is a good one, should prompt discussion and introspection, but not up for debate. What a bad attitude, especially since it's one I'm trying to fight! Ugh! At least it's (yet another) reminder that I'm imperfect and still growing.

So, at least at this moment, I'm giving up my attempts to stir up thoughtful discussion on issues I think important. We'll see what I think about it tomorrow. ;-)

Breaking News! - Home for Sale in Flood Zone

2012-02-20T08:42:00.003-06:00

We received the following e-mail in the newsroom. I'm dumbfounded.

Hello. We do greatly enjoy watching your news channel, and are so happy to see Terry Swails as part of your weather team. However, I do have one important request, and would appreciate a response. We've been noticing for the past few years (at least) that the meteorologists begin talking about our QC area river flooding concerns early in the year. My husband and I currently live along the Mississippi, and we've been trying for the past few years to sell our beautiful home on the river. I'm sure you can imagine that the very thought and mention of flooding from news media (even if the concerns are eventually unfounded) sends any potential buyers running away from our property. We would greatly appreciate it if you would please refrain from even mentioning flooding unless there is a strong probability for flooding along the Mississippi River specifically. Please reply. Thank you so much.

Wow.

The Most Thoughtful Girl in the World

2012-02-17T10:55:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, Hannah handed me a really fat pen when I requested one to sign Madison's assignment notebook. She told me it's called a Big Fat Pen, or something like that. I was instantly in love. Okay, not in love. That's an exaggeration. Crushing, perhaps?

While signing Madison's notebook, I told the girls a story about how I have trouble with skinny pens. They're too small for my hands and negatively affect my handwriting. A few years ago, I went to a store for teachers, looking for those rubber grippers you put on pens. The clerk helped me find some, specifically pointing to these large, globby things and explaining that they're great for kindergarten hands, as they're easy to grip and force your fingers into the proper position. I'll take it! That's the one I purchased. The thing is, during the purchase, the store clerk decided to make conversation, asking me what grade I teach. Sheepishly, I admitted that I don't teach and the grippy thing was for me. Understandably, he seemed to think me weird and was no longer conversational.

Skip to last night, I'm picking up the girls to bring them home and Madison hands me a plastic-wrapped item, exclaiming she'd remembered how I wanted a Big Fat Pen, so she bought me one at her school book fair! She even searched for and found the last purple one, knowing it's my favorite color. God, I love that thoughtful, generous little girl.

How to Help

2012-02-14T16:28:00.000-06:00

Today at school, students passed out carnations purchased for special Valentine's Day gifts. It's all Hannah could talk about the past few days, including this morning's car ride to school. She even got to help pass the flowers out today!

Unfortunately, Hannah didn't receive a carnation herself. I was so worried that would happen. Not wanting to directly tell her she might not get a flower, I tried telling stories about how I never received a carnation in all the years I was in school, hoping she might remember it and not feel alone, should she not received a flower. It didn't matter. She's really disappointed.

Despite experiencing myself much of what she's experiencing at school, the ridicule, the rejection, the emotional pain inflicted by cruel classmates, I don't know what to say to her to help her get through this. "It gets better" is an irrelevant message to a pre-teen to whom the only thing that matters is the now. Still, I want so badly to help her make her way through this stormy sea that is adolescence, but don't know what to say or do to make it better. My heart hurts for her and hurts more because I don't know how to really help her. :-(

I've tried to carefully talk to Hannah, to encourage her and to guide her to interests that might help her find acceptance. The thing is, like the typical teen, grown up words fall on deaf adolescent ears. She doesn't want my acceptance as much as she wants that of her peers. That's what matters to her now and what hurts her the most. She's love at home and, hopefully, that knowledge will carry her through these sometimes horrible years.

Social Networking Overload

2012-02-10T16:30:00.001-06:00

So, um, yeah. After declaring I needed to take a social networking sabbatical, I've been more active on Twitter and Facebook this week than usual. Um, sorry about that.

I think my rush to tweet my thoughts and constant checking for comments stems from the strike at Matt's place of employment. Matt is almost at the end of his third week of working 12 hour days, six days a week. He comes home exhausted, we eat, watch a little TV and then go to bed at 9:00 p.m. because the alarm goes off at 4:00 a.m. I'm not getting my relational needs met. That's nothing to knock Matt, my any means. This is a rough period we need to get through. Our relationship isn't at all weaker for it. I'm just saying that, without time to talk with Matt as much as we usually do, I seem to need to find attention elsewhere.

And so, I've been turning to Twitter, which posts to Facebook, where I interact through comments. I've been a bit more obsessive about it than am I usually, and I think it's because it's my main social outlet, right now. So, I'm sorry if you see me on your news feed too much, too often each and every day this week. I just need to be noticed! ;-)

My Beliefs and No Others!

2012-02-10T11:30:00.000-06:00

"I keep hearing conservatives complaining about government intruding on their religious freedoms. It's hard to take them seriously when they're doing everything they can to impose their narrow beliefs on the rest of us." -Wil Wheaton

I'm not sure I fully agree with Wil on this, but it caused me pause and connects with a thought I was already working through in my head today. When does a push for personal religious freedom intrude on the personal religious freedom of others?

My guess is, Wil's statement was prompted by the reaction of Catholic entities to President Barack Obama's move to require health cost coverage of birth control. This goes against the Catholic belief system and, therefore, it would be appalling for a Catholic business entity to be required to pay for something that doesn't fit its belief system. I tend to agree a Catholic business, or any business of a religious affiliation, should not be mandated to do something it would deem as sin. (However, I also think it would be okay to keep the mandate in place, since a good Catholic wouldn't make use of birth control anyway, right? So, a Catholic business wouldn't be compromised because it would never have to cover contraception if its workers are good Catholics.)

This subject, however, prompted me to think on fights for religious beliefs to be implemented, enforced, not denied by the government. Take, for instance, the fight to keep images of the Ten Commandments in public courthouses. While I understand the stance that forcing the removal of the image goes against one's own religion, doesn't not the forced inclusion of the image also go against others' religious beliefs? Is it actually, freedom of Christianity, but not any other religion?

In general, those who fight to keep Christ in Christmas in public schools, government offices, etc. seem to not understand that the seeming removal of "Christ" isn't, at its core, anti-Christian. It's pro-inclusive of all religious beliefs. To include the Ten Commandments in a public building is to promote one religion over another. I'm okay with keeping a display of the Commandments in a government building, as long as there's also a display of the equivalent from the Koran and Buddhist texts and other religious "rules" of similar significance.

In a way, I wish Christians could experience for, say, one week what it's like to be the religious minority in this country so that they could understand what it's like to have another group's belief system forced upon them so much. (I recognize others' beliefs are forced upon Christians, but my point is, it's not to the degree Christians force theirs' on others on a regular basis, whether in day to day life or government.) The title "persecuted majority," when used in sarcasm, is accurate in that Christians enjoy far more freedom to be open about their beliefs than do any other religion in the U.S. and yet some bellyache and claim they're being persecuted. That's not an anti-Christian statement, just an observation that some Christians don't recognize how good they have it in this country and cry foul far too often.

Need More Funny

2012-02-08T16:58:00.002-06:00

Not much that was funny happened today. The closest was a phone call to my direct line at my desk. Since it's the same number used as the 6:30 Talkback Line (so viewers can call and leave a message about the newscast, as long as I've switched my phone over from reaching me to reaching the 6:30 voicemail,) I often get calls for News 8 in general because, you know, any number used for News 8, even though it's explained as for a specific purpose, will get you to exactly the person with whom you want to speak. I've recently decided to answer with "Thom White" instead of "News 8, this is Thom." I figure this will weed out the people who are actually calling me and those who are calling a number meant for a specific purpose, but ignoring that purpose.

This was my somewhat amusing conversation:

(Ring)
Me: Thom White.
Caller: I'm sorry, I must have the wrong number.
Me: No problem. Goodbye.

(Ring)
Me (noting that caller ID shows it's the same caller): Thom White.
(Click)

(Ring)
Me: This is still Thom White. Who is it you're trying to reach?
Caller: I'm calling to give the answer to the question [for the call-in contest.]
Me: You've called the wrong number. That number is 736-3288.
Caller: Oh, 3288? Okay. Thank you.
Me: You're welcome.

It's worth noting that there are two call-in contests every day during the 11:00 a.m. newscast. And, each time, the phone number to use is displayed on the screen AND spoken out loud by an anchor. Twice. Every week day. And yet, we still have viewers call the newsroom, angry that they can't get through because we gave out the wrong number. Sigh.

To Unfriend or Not to Unfriend

2012-02-08T09:30:00.000-06:00

A friend noted on Facebook that my decision to block certain people from seeing my posts is, in a way, unfriending them, so "why not just be definitive about it?" The answer is, because I still care about these people. I still want to see their updates. I don't want to be burdened with their vitriolic, emotionally abusive, socially appalling comments, but still want to follow their lives. And, they can still see anything I specifically post on Facebook as "Public," if I ever do post publicly.

It's weird, really. Despite being appalled by a respected college professor who thinks Tebow jokes are a greater crime than gay kids contemplating suicide, I still want to know how he's doing, what he's doing and if he's growing in any way. Despite my father's belief system leaving a bad taste in my mouth, with him believing I'm consorting with demons and that non-Christians have no moral code, I still want to know what's going on in his life. I just recognize that continuing to read their comments, among several others, starts to fester in me so that I forget they represent themselves and not all of Christiandom. I am protecting both my heart and my view of groups by avoiding generalizations upheld by a few people.

Looking inward, I'm glad that my response is to still want to be connected with these people, along with haters. There are several other on my restricted list who are there because of the hatred in their comments. It's one thing to tell me I'm sinning and need to return to Christ. It's quite another to attempt to send the same message, but basically call me a faggot without necessarily using the word. There was a time when I'd lash back in anger or cut someone like that off entirely, but not any more. I still hope for a life change in these people and hope to see it by continuing to see their updates.

And, at the very basic level, I think unfriending is rather juvenile.

My First Stalker?

2012-02-07T12:56:00.000-06:00

I just received this e-mail from a viewer and, um, yeah...

Hi Tom,

My name is ---. I’m new to the area and live in ---. I enjoy watching you on the 11 AM news. You are always smiling and just so up beat. I’m not taking anything away from Mertens, he’s just crazy, but lot’s of fun to watch too. You add a “special” touch, I’m not sure, maybe it is your calm presentation of news items. Anyway, you just look like a nice guy and I’m looking for new friends. I don’t mean to be forward, but would you like to come and visit me sometime? I’m sorry I don’t drive anymore. I am handicapped, and have spent the last three years in a nursing home. Not fun, I’ll tell you. The place was a Hell Hole! I talked to Chris Williams about the place many times. I finally got myself out, but not after loosing my home, new car, service dog, most of my personal family items, and my bank account. I’m not looking for pity, just some new male friends. I’ve had it with women. The nursing home did that. I really hope to hear from you. I’ve enclosed my picture so you can equate a picture to the email. Thanks for your time.

Regards,

---

It's possible the guy is lonely, but I'm a tad freaked out. Should I be?

Social Networking Sabbatical, of Sorts

2012-02-06T16:15:00.000-06:00

I can't take the heat, so I'm getting out of the kitchen. At least partially.

While I prefer a rich experience, filled with dialogue from people with varying ideas, I'm beginning to understand the all too common practice of hanging with people of your own ilk, be it political, religious, sexual, etc. I've long hated "bubbles" in which people tend to exist, spending time only with their own kind, feeding beliefs and opinions that can become dangerous, hurtful or of a holier-than-thou nature. When I post things on Facebook or Google+, I'm inviting a dialogue about the subject, hoping to incite a discussion from which those involved, especially myself, can learn. Unfortunately, too many of my Facebook friends fall into the "my way or the highway" sort of stance and would rather put those of a different belief (i.e. me) down or resort to name-calling. I can't stomach that.

Perhaps it's because I was ridiculed and made fun of pretty much the entirety of my school career, including my first round of college, that I'm particularly sensitive to being called names or the butt of attempts to deface or degrade me. I don't like it. I go home and cry, lie in bed unable to fall asleep for thinking about the pain and wish I could shut myself off from the world. I can handle differences of opinion. I cannot handle ridicule.

At the same time, I need interaction. Prior to being in a relationship with Matt, I'd always had at least a small group of friends. I needed options for sharing myself with others and knowing others in platonic intimacy. I crave connection with others, conversations and exchange of ideas, philosophies and beliefs. I would not trade Matt for anyone and would spend time with him and only him for the rest of my life if the only other option were to lose him entirely. However, while we don't spend much time with the few friends we have, I would like to connect with other people beyond aquaintanceship. Facebook, Twitter and Google+ fulfill some of that need. While Matt gets annoyed at me for being so active on social networks, they allow me to get that relationship with others I crave, even though it's virtual and, therefore, somewhat superficial. I enjoy putting an idea, a fact or a belief out there and interacting with others' thoughts on it. I feel connected with others and happier for it.

And then, someone puts me down or chastises me for attempting to admonish Christians to better reach out to the gay community when it's far worse that Tim Tebow is the butt of jokes. (No, still I can't let that go.) I can take difference of opinion, but not condescension or chastisement.

And so, for peace in my life and my emotional health, I'm pulling back. I'd decided to shut down my Facebook profile altogether, to avoid the temptation of reaching out and being burned again. Now, I don't think that's a good idea. Instead, I'm limiting who sees my posts. Unfortunately, that means I'm placing myself in a bubble of likemindedness and the people who I think need to be admonished will not, but perhaps it's not my job to challenge anyone but myself. Maybe I won't change anyone for the better by way of a shared article or a witty status update and I need to learn that it's okay. If I grow, that's something.

A Child's Charity

2011-12-18T17:34:00.000-06:00

8 year old Madison never ceases to amaze me with her happy-go-lucky attitude, kind heart and though for others. We were at Sam's Club recently when she had to use the bathroom. As Matt and Hannah continued to chop, I accompanied Madison to the restrooms. When she came out to join me after she'd finished her business, she proudly and excitedly pulled a five dollar bill out of her hand, proclaiming, "Look what I found!"

Gross.

Okay. After calming down about the fact that my 8 year old daughter just walked out of a very public bathroom with a five dollar bill she picked up off of the floor... in the bathroom stall... I realized how exciting it must be for a kid to find such a (relatively) large denomination of dollar bills. After checking my pocket, I also realized that I had a fairly full bottle of hand sanitizer with me, so, crisis potentially averted. Quickly ascertaining that it would be impossible to find the five dollar bill's rightful owner, I told Madison she could keep it (in her pocket,) which delighted her to no end. For a few minutes.

When we met up with Matt and Hannah, Madison performed the big reveal all over again, but with a little less enthusiasm. Something was working in her mind, creating a sense of guilt. To her, five dollars is a lot of money. Realizing someone else dropped that bill in the bathroom, she was thinking about how someone had lost (to her) a lot of money. It wasn't sitting right with her.

Not knowing what to do with her guilt, Madison tried giving the money to Hannah. My selfish (because she's an adolescent) 12 year old quickly though it through (probably noting the disapproval on my face) and begrudgingly declined, saying Madison is the one who found it and should keep it. Madison then turned to Matt and insisted he take it, since he bought her a book that day. He, too, denied her gift and said she should keep it. I then attempted to explain that there was no way we could find the person who dropped the bill and, therefore, she should keep it and that it was fair that she do so. She seemed fine with that.

And then, we left the store. As we were exiting through the doors, Madison noticed the Salvation Army bell ringer standing outside, ringing his bell. She immediately turned to Matt and asked if she could put the five dollar bill in the red kettle. Beaming with pride, Matt told Madison he thought that would be a very good thing to do, so she did. Marching right up to the kettle, she offered a "here you go" to the bell ringer and carefully pushed the five dollar bill through the slot.

I could feel the warmth emanating from Madison all the way to the car. And during the entire car ride home. She felt so good about not keeping money that wasn't her's and, since she couldn't find who it belonged to, giving it to someone who would really need it. It is one of the proudest moments I've experienced as a parent.

Thom Duke

2011-12-02T14:33:00.001-06:00

Today, I made a trip to Lowes to get two pieces of plywood to place under our memory foam mattress. We've had the mattress on top of a box spring ever since we got it and it's been sagging in the middle. Knowing foam mattresses are meant to be on a solid surface and not a box spring, I decided to try putting piece of plywood on top of the box spring to maintain height, but create a solid surface with no give. Matt has explicitly told me not to do this, but, he's at work and I'm home and I did it anyway. If he gets a good nights sleep tonight, I win! Also, I'm not telling him about it. ;-)

I carefully measured and calculated the size of plywood I'd need and how much to cut off of two pieces to make it fit exactly. Then, I headed off to Lowes, nervous about having to approach an employee to ask if they could cut the plywood for me. (I don't like asking store employees for help, for some reason, most likely because I don't like to put anyone out of their way even though it is, you know, their job.) After waiting for the only employee in the lumber section in sight to finish with a previous customer, I approached him and asked if they cut plywood on request, even though I'd seen him do just that with the previous customer. (I'm weird. And sometimes stupid.) We then discussed what I planned to do with the plywood and he helped me select the best option for my purposes.

Okay, let me just say that the machine Lowes has to cut lumber is really cool! It's this big sort of contraption with a small saw in the middle and the saw can move up and down or left and right. I want one.

Anyway, boards cut and paid for and I'm ready to head home and get these piece in place under our mattress before Matt gets home and catches me. Here's a tip: the Toyota Echo is not good for hauling plywood. Oops! I failed to measure my car to determine whether or not the wood would actually fit inside for the ride home. Four pieces did fit, but one would not. As men whispered to their wives about how I'd never get the wood into my car, chuckling as they passed (it was funny,) I tried multiple ways to get these boards into the car. Four would go in, but the 4' x 5' piece absolutely would not.

Knowing I had to get this wood home, I leaned the big board against my car and dashed back into Lowes to buy some rope, trusting no one would take off with my custom cut piece of plywood. With freshly purchased rope in hand, I returned to the car to find the plywood still there. Phew. Now it was time to swallow my pride and get creative.

The first thing I did was lay the piece of plywood across the top of my little Echo. Fortunately, the roof is just about 4' x 5', so there wasn't much overhang. Then, I rolled down the windows and commenced to spinning a spider web of rope over, around and through the plywood and windows, making sure I had it secured front to back as much as side to side. This took a while and elicited more whispers from men to their wives as they passed by me. An employee, retrieving shopping carts, even approached me and asked if everything was okay. I said yes and continued to spin my web.

Once finished, I admired my work, proud of myself for getting the board secured so well! Ready to go home, I grabbed my keys out of my pocket and pulled the door handle to open it. It didn't budge. I'd tied my doors shut. Not. Good. Thankfully, the driver's side window was rolled all the way down. So, checking for the point at which the parking lot was most empty of people, I entered my car Dukes of Hazard style. (If the Echo had a longer hood, I would've slid across it, but had I tried, I would've probably ended up on my butt on the pavement.) I'm in and ready to head home, hoping hauling a piece of wood tied to a car roof isn't illegal. Or, if it is, that I can make it home without passing any cops along the way. Also, how am I going to get out of my car?

Needless to say, since I'm blogging this, I made it out of my little car (Dukes style) and am now sitting on my memory foam mattress, which sits atop a firmer foundation. Here's hoping Matt sleeps better. Or doesn't notice.

Stay-at-Home Housethom

2011-12-01T07:38:00.001-06:00

I'm burning up at least two weeks worth of vacation days this month, with some comp and holiday days in the mix, too. Since Matt is working, I'm using my days off to take care of things at home. Mostly, I'm cleaning thoroughly, but I'm also rearranging rooms and reorganizing. My days are filled with things I want and need to do, but don't have time to do while holding down a full time job, too.

Yesterday, I took the dog to the vet, rearranged the office and our bedroom, put up a princess canopy over Madison's bed and prepped the living room for the Christmas tree. While rearranging out bedroom, I also washed the windows, inside and out and removed items that were being stored under the bed or no longer matched the decor. I got a lot done, but also had time to play on the computer and take a nap with Chloe. It was my perfect day, moving at my pace and taking care of my family by taking care of our home. That's what I wish I could do all of the time.

Matt agrees. He came home and said he likes having someone to come home to rather than being the first one in the door. It's also nice to have dinner ready, and to have that dinner be a nice meal rather than a thrown together, whatever we've got kind of thing. Matt said to me that he wishes we could afford to keep me home, because that also helps him feel secure while at work knowing someone's taking care of our house and family needs.

That remains my dream: to be a stay at home spouse. When given the time, I'm an immaculate person, keeping everything clean and tidy. If I could stay home, our house would be dust free and comfortable and our yard would be the envy of the neighborhood. Now, if someone will give Matt a raise equal to adding my salary to his, we'd be set!

Two Loves, One Rule

2011-11-10T10:41:00.001-06:00

One of the rules Matt put in place when he agreed to adopting our chihuahua, Chloe, was that she wouldn't be allowed to sleep in bed with us. I agreed, thinking she'd get crushed, since both of us roll around while we sleep.

A few weeks ago, we spent several evenings in a row away from home and Chloe didn't get her usual evening time with us. For that reason, I started pulling her up onto the bed with us so that she could lay with me and I could pet her while I read my book before going to sleep. Matt didn't seem to mind and would even talk with and pet Chloe, too, so I knew it was okay, especially since Chloe would jump off of our bed and go to her own bed when she was ready to go to sleep. Then, she found out she could get under the covers.

Chloe loves to burrow into a pile of pillows (which is her bed,) a pile of clothes, blankets, whatever is soft and safe. Her favorite place to burrow now, though, is under the covers in bed next to me, with her body pressed against my warm body. Every morning at about 5:30, Chloe now begs to get up into our bed. As long as I know Matt's still asleep, I've been sneaking her under the covers on my side opposite of Matt. She's happy (and stops begging,) I'm happy and Matt's none the wiser. Usually.

A couple of days ago, Matt decided to spoon during the half hour between when our alarm goes off and we actually get up. Unfortunately, Chloe was in bed with me at the time. With Chloe down next to my hip, I carefully guided Matt's hand, as he wrapped it around me, to my shoulder so he wouldn't brush her and find out she was in bed. It worked, but I couldn't drift off to sleep again, nervous that he'd brush Chloe, she'd flip out and he'd get upset. That didn't happen and, when it was time for me to get up to get the girls up for school, I had to figure out how to scoop up Chloe in such a way that Matt wouldn't see her as I exited our bed.

Last night, Matt was play-talking with Chloe and told her he knows she listens to him, but has me wrapped around her paw to get whatever she wants. I'm now working with Chloe to teach her that she's not allowed in the bed, no matter how much she begs.

My Hannah Banana

2011-11-05T20:27:00.000-05:00

Hannah is blossoming into her own person. As she approaches her teens - and goes through the change - she's establishing her personality. It's noticeable, who she is as a young woman. She's changed as if overnight, shaken off her youthful attitudes and developing mature ones. Hannah no longer lets things anger her as much, telling her dad that some things just aren't worth getting upset about or keeping quiet means not getting into trouble. She's a smart girl and I grow to like her more and more and she blossoms.

Hannah's been a tough one for me, in terms of relationship. When Matt and I first met, Hannah still had the idea that Matt and her mother would get back together. I'd be at Matt's apartment, his ex-wife would call and Hannah would sit on the couch with me and tell me that her mom and dad are in love and this phone call would be the thing that gets them back together. Okay, she didn't put it in those words. I mean, she was only five, but you get the idea.

The poor thing. I knew her parents would not be getting back together, that Matt and I were well on our way to doing just that and that I had no idea what to say to her. Being careful not to encourage nor discourage her, I simply would say things like, "I'm not so sure about that." Okay, maybe that was discouraging, but I also wasn't so good with kids at that time.

Through the course of our family relationship, I've had more trouble connecting with Hannah than with Madison. I've known Madison since she was a baby. She's happy go lucky, bubbly and friendly. Madison is super cute, cheerily funny and easy to get along with. Hannah, on the other hand, has been more sullen, more disconnected and unwilling to open up with others. That, I believe, is a product of her parents' divorce since I'm told she was a happier child.

As she becomes her own woman, though, Hannah has dropped the sullenness and taken on a happier attitude, although I would describe her humor as dry and sarcastic rather than cheery. That's not a bad thing, as that's the kind of humor I prefer. It's just to say that she's a brighter person, but in a different way than Madison.

I think the greatest hindrance to our relationship is the fact that Hannah and I are a lot alike. We have similar personalities, frustrations and attitudes. What I have trouble with in her are things I don't like about myself. Since it's easier to dislike others than to dislike ourselves, I have struggled with liking Hannah as much. To be clear, that's not to say that I've ever disliked her, but to say that it's taken a little more effort.

That truth has changed significantly since she's hit adolescence. Hannah relates to her father and I in a different way, with this undertone of deeper understanding, like we're all in on a secret that only adults know, with a wink, wink and a nudge, nudge. I like it and I like her. We have more fun together and laugh at more things together because Hannah understands things now. She gets the humor in life, even the darker humor, and I adore her for it.

White Guy

2011-10-18T11:29:00.000-05:00

When I was an exchange student in Spain, my Spanish family had to decide what to call me during my stay. I told them it would be okay to call me Tomas (toh-MAHS,) that being the Spanish pronunciation of my name. Taking it a step further, delighted that I knew the word for my last name (which most people likely wouldn't,) I told my family they could call me Tomas Blanco, since "blanco" means "white." They didn't understand that my last name is also the color and thought I was telling them to call me "White Thomas." I ended up offending them right off the bat.

My family referred to me as "Al Tom" (toh-m) for the rest of my stay.

Innocent Until Proven Guilty

2011-10-18T08:34:00.001-05:00

More than politics. More than religion. More than just about anything else, the belief/philosophy/stance/world view that I find most off putting is seeing others as guilty until proven innocent. The court of public opinion is seemingly unforgiving and rushes to judgment based on gossip and/or partial information.

I can have a conversation with anyone about religion or politics and keep a level head, but as soon as someone with whom I'm talking condemns someone without adequate proof, like the Missouri couple whose baby is missing or the mother in Florida found not guilty in her daughter's death, I have to excuse myself or risk getting worked up and judgmental. I have judged people without knowing all off the facts and may do so in the future, but I have learned the lesson that people deserve the benefit of doubt, perhaps because I've been judged and condemned wrongfully myself, though nothing so bad as murdering my own child.

What bothers me, too, is the thought of how dark a "guilty until proven innocent" person's heart must be and, I will admit, I sometimes pity a person with whom I'm talking who takes that judgmental stance. How sad, how hateful that person's inner life could be.

Then again, I'm trying to purge the darkness that lives in my heart. When I think about the judgmental, unforgiving, by the book person I used to be, and in some ways continue to be, I'm grateful to at least have learned to see others in innocence rather than guilt, a lesson I continue to learn.

Quotes for My Day

2011-10-17T12:06:00.000-05:00

Here are a couple of quotes I'm choosing to dwell on today:

Do something good for someone else today. Exude the energy you want returned. Do it. You'll smile. ~ JuJubee

If we want to help humanity in a practical way, we must begin by setting an example of mutual respect, harmony and cooperation. ~Dalai Lama

Remake My Soul

2011-10-12T10:33:00.000-05:00

They've countrified "Footloose." Ugh. Not being a fan of country music and really not wanting to hear songs I like from the original redone as country versions, I do not plan to see the movie. That said, I'm not upset that "Footloose" was remade.

Some people get so upset when a movie is remade. They’ll rant and rave about how good the original is and how the studio is going to muck this one up. I mean, people seriously get upset! It’s ridiculous.

I have absolutely no problems with remakes. For one, the original movie doesn’t instantly disappear from the face of the earth. It still exists. If someone prefers the original, THEN WATCH THE ORIGINAL and ignore the remake. No one is forcing you to foresake the original and suddenly put your passion behind the remake. You can completely ignore the fact that the remake even exists. There is no reason to waste emotional energy on a remake.

For two, sometimes the remakes are better. Technology is the main area in which this is true. Go back and watch a horror movie from the 70’s or 80’s. The thrill and scare may be there, but the blood and effects are laughable. Today’s technology allows for a much more realistic look. I’ll concede that remakes of horror films tend to lose some of the thrill and scare in favor of better effects, but that’s not always the case. I think it worth the risk to remake a movie, with the chance it could be equally as good, script-wise, and undoubtedly better effects-wise. In my opinion, no film is untouchable.

And, for three, it’s a movie. Seriously. IT’S A MOVIE! Life, history and the universe are not changed in any way by the fact a favorite movie is remade. So, calm down. There’s no need to work up a storm in your soul over a measly movie.

Less Stress, More Family

2011-09-27T13:05:00.000-05:00

This week, I have the pleasure of taking care of the girls all by my little self. Matt is away for three days for work, so I took the same three days off so that I could better take care of Hannah and Madison, particularly in picking them up after school and feeding them in a timely manner. While I'm the one who chose to do this, I was still quite nervous about it, knowing how frustrated and impatient I can get with the girls.

Today marks day two of my single parenthood. It's been going quite well. I've planned things for the girls and I to do together after school, things that Matt hates to do, but the girls often ask to do together (like thrift store shopping, watching anime, etc.) We've been having a grand old time. I also earned bonus points by serving our dinner drinks (non-alcoholic, of course) in champagne flutes last night. Tonight, we're using wine glasses and tomorrow night we'll drink from martini glasses. The girls think it's elegant, high class and loads of fun! Truth be told, so do I. ;-)

As it turns out, I've not grown nearly as frustrated nor impatient with the girls as I tend to get. What's the difference? I don't have the stress of work looming over my head. My work is incredibly stressful, at the moment, as I juggle two jobs, basically, while striving with more effort than usual to get just one of them done adequately, let alone well. On top of that, new rules are being added that make my work harder to do, work that I already struggled to complete by deadline each day. Suffice it to say, my job really stresses me out.

That stress is not left at the door when I leave work. It's so intense, so piercing to my core, that I can't help but carry it with me as I leave, as I spend time with my family and as I try to fall asleep each night. (In fact, just writing about it now, my shoulder are tensing up to the point of pain. Ugh.) With the weight of work on my shoulders at all times, I tend to be irritable at home and unwilling to put up with much shenanigans from the girls. These past few days, however, I've been able to forget about my job and just enjoy completing long overdue home projects and taking care of and entertaining the girls. I'm really enjoying this.

Talking with Matt while he's gone, he's noticed it to, the change in me as a parent to the kids. He pointed it out, actually, and helped me figure out it's my job that's hurting our family. What does that mean for our future? I don't know. I've long been looking for work options, but nothing has come up that would be a smart choice for me to take, or I haven't been given a job offer after an interview.

Also holding me back from finding another job is that I finally have a desire to advance at my current place of employment. After years of grumbling and complaining due to feeling trapped in a career I didn't really want in the first place, I actually like my career and want to seek promotion when the opportunity to do so arises. If I leave, I lose that opportunity.

These past few days, though, have me asking if it's worth it. My priority is my family, but my time, mind and emotions are consumed by my work. That's not good. Something has to change. I just don't know exactly what that change will look like.

Blog Relief

2011-08-30T16:14:00.000-05:00

It's been so good to be able to blog again. I started this blog when I was "alone," living with my grandparents and with few close friends. Originally treating it as my personal journal that happened to be available for all the world to see, it also became a creative outlet, with silly poems and stories shared, but continued to be my place for working through my thoughts and emotions. Simply getting them out there, through writing in particular, I found I could let go of my feelings and move on from negative emotional situations.

Then I met Matt. Our relationship was and is my place of comfort and lack of discontent. I found I no longer needed an emotional outlet as much and blogged much less. I just didn't need it any more. And yet, I missed it. While I write all day long for work (and even sometimes on weekends for my other job,) it's still good to be able to write my own stuff without the confines of journalism or an editor. This is me and I like that.

It's been tough to keep it up, though. I don't log on at home, much, so I don't get to blog there. I've been able to blog during my lunch break at work, but I've been so swamped the past few weeks and I don't even really get a lunch break! I need this, though, and plan to figure out how to keep it up regularly to meet whatever emotional need or creative outlet that longs to be fulfilled.

I Know I Heard What I May Have Misheard

2011-08-05T11:55:00.000-05:00

The current string of comments on my review of Genesius Guild's The Wasps has me baffled. The first comment, from Don Wooten, says that a joke about Julie I reference in my review was not actually in Saturday night's performance. I know I heard it, but I also respect Mr. Wooten and know that, being the playwright, he would know better than I whether or not something was in the script.

While reviewing Saturday night's show, I took more copious notes than I have at any other production in my entire reviewing career. That is no exaggeration. The outdoor lighting was good and I knew I could jot things down without distracting my fellow audience members, so I wrote down every thought that came to mind and every line I thought I might want to reference in my review. While I didn't catch the exact wording of the joke about Julie, I did write down a paraphrase of it after I hear it delivered by the actor. I heard the actor say something along the lines of needing to explain things to Julie because she might not understand it, as I wrote in my review. I also noted the audience reaction. My partner, Matt, and I even discussed the joke in the car ride home, laughing about it, but also believing it went just a little too far.

After Mr. Wooten's comment on my review, I went back to my notes to make sure of what I'd heard. I also talked with Matt and asked him what he remembers the joke being, which he confirmed had to do with "explaining" and "not understanding." Another commenter, by the name of John, also confirmed that he heard the joke delivered Saturday night. I know I heard the joke I referenced in my review.

That said, I also acknowledge that what I heard I may have actually misheard. Mr. Wooten would know whether or not the joke I heard was in the script or not. He says it wasn't. Another commenter by the name of "theaterguy" says it wasn't. It's possible it wasn't in the show at all. So, why did I note that I'd heard it? Why did Matt also hear it as I did? Why did John hear it as we did? I have no doubt it isn't in Mr. Wooten's actually script, but did the actor perhaps ad lib it on Saturday night? Theaterguy even quotes the script as " "Well, they are wide awake now. That's more than I can say for old Julie." I have no reason to doubt that's the actual line delivered and admit the possibility it was the only joke at Julie's expense. I'd like to know what lines preceded and followed that one, as perhaps they include content that I mixed in with that line so that I thought I heard the joke as needing to explain things to Julie. That's highly possible.

What really bothers me, though, is that the Julie joke, as referenced in my review, seems to be overshadowing what is otherwise a positive review of a show I quite enjoyed. It also bothers me that my review is being read as though I don't think jokes should be made about reviewers at all. On the contrary, I love that aspect of the show and laughed at the other reviewers joke included in the performance. In fact, I would've laughed had the line been, " "Well, they are wide awake now. That's more than I can say for Thom White," as Mr. Wooten says in a later comment. I would be flattered to be the butt of a Genesius Guild joke and would laugh right along with it. No, my point was not that the joke I heard about Julie should not have been made at all, but that it may have gone too far.

It might also be worth noting that, personally, I was not offended by the Julie joke, as I heard it, but was somewhat offended by the gay jokes. It's not that I don't think gay jokes should be included, but that the jokes written were so low road, so focused on base stereotypes and so cliche that their inclusion wasn't a smart choice, but seemed to be there just to include a gay joke. I should emphasize that I in no way think it was Mr. Wooten's attempt to attack anyone, as commenter John says. I do not believe that is part of Mr. Wooten's intelligent, eloquent, classy nature. I simply think sometimes the best of intentions, in this case getting a laugh, sometimes goes beyond those intentions. If the joke about Julie was, indeed, as I heard it, it did come across as a little too mean, but I do not think it was intended to be mean-spirited.

Cultivating Friendship

2011-08-05T11:37:00.000-05:00

Today's Tiny Buddha post is perhaps the one I most need to pay attention to in my life, right now.

Tiny Buddha: 21 Ways to Build Strong Friendships

Matt and I have few friends. We do have a handful we can turn to in need, even if it's just to spend some time with other people. However, we're fairly private, spending most of our time with just us. It's somewhat odd to me, as I come from a background of having a good number of friends and several close friends. I"m not unhappy, as I want to be with no one more than I want to be with Matt, but there are times I wish I had more close friends.

As I've spent years having fewer friends, I've lost my friend-making and friend-cultivating abilities. Lost may not be the right word, as I'm sure those skills are still in me somewhere. Without practicing them, though, they've lost their luster and need to be dusted off.

That said, I like the list posted on Tiny Buddha. It's a simple reminder of how to build the friendships I crave.

I'm a Level 3, Progressing to Level 2 (NSFW)

2011-08-03T16:49:00.000-05:00

WARNING to my more conservative friends: the picture posted here contains offensive words and content.

Someone posted this flowchart on Google+ and it caught my attention. I want to take the high road, but I usually end up taking the middle road, or the low road.

If I see something offensive on the Internet, especially someone's comment, it will eat away at my brain until I respond. While I am progressing and more often leave my thoughts in response and then move on, I still get caught up in online arguments. What I'm also learning is that my online arguments are usually based on two different approaches to the same point. I may be arguing the factual aspects while the other person is arguing the emotional, or something like that.

I'm learning, though. I never want to reach the day where I stop learning and think I no longer need to change.

Justify My Love

2011-08-03T16:29:00.000-05:00

Okay, love is not an emotion, but it makes for a better title.

Today's Tiny Buddha blog post -Tiny Buddha: Stop Explaining Your Feelings - is about justifying your feelings, like when someone asks how you're doing. I didn't think it applied to me, at first. Then I realized, I worry a lot about what people think of me. That, coupled with a refusal to be anything but honest, leaves me with a lot of internal stress. Ugh.

I don't think that I try to explain my feelings, at least not that I'm aware of. However, I do worry about what people think of me depending on how I respond to "How are you?" The Tiny Buddha post serves as a new reminder to me to be conscious of my emotional paranoia and strive to overcome it - by stilling my mind.

That's actually my current focus - stilling my mind. I can't do it. As much as I study meditation and meditate, my mind is a wild and untamed thing. Wait, what was I saying?

Gettin' My Fit On

2011-08-02T11:47:00.000-05:00

I just place an order for the Insanity workout program (as seen on TV!) While I used to be active, working out and running (including the Cincinnati Marathon!,) my current career keeps me in a seated position for hours and hours a day. That does not make me happy. I've always been slim and, despite a desire to be bigger, have been much happier being slim than being at all, shall we say, soft. Well, I'm getting soft in my midsection from my sedentary lifestyle.

A few years ago, Matt and I were consistent about hitting the gym daily. We were members at a 24 hour access fitness place and used ActivTrax to keep ourselves motivated. It was great. Then, we decided we wanted to have more time with Matt's two daughters. At that point, they were only with us every other weekend. We switched to every other week for a full week with them and have had a much happier family for it. However, we sacrificed our workout time. We could've continued working out every other weekend, or individually during weeks with the girls, but our family or our fitness would've suffered for it. So, we just stopped working out.

A year or so ago, I got frustrated with starting to gain weight (as in fat) and not being able to workout. Had I joined a gym on my own, Matt would not been happy with me for being away from the family every night or even every other night. Craving workouts of some sort, I ordered P90X. Wow. Loved it! It's a GREAT workout program. The problem is, it takes more than an hour each day. I don't have that time. I can't get up early to fit in a workout and then take care of packing Matt's lunch and prepping the girls for school. I can't spend that time in the evening, taking away from our time together as a family. It's a great workout, but doesn't fit into my current schedule.

A few months ago, I caught an infomercial for Insanity. It seemed to be perfect. The workout doesn't require any equipment and is just 45 minutes long! And, it's a 60 day program, which is really fast! That, I can do on my current schedule and see results really quickly.

So, I finally placed my order for the program today. I won't, however, start my workouts for another two weeks. (I need to allow time for the DVDs to arrive and we're on vacation next week, so my start date will be Monday, August 14.) I'm excited. I know I could've stuck with P90X had my schedule allowed, so I know I can stick with Insanity. I'm even going to make the effort to get up at 6:00 a.m. to get my workout in before taking care of my family! I'm in. I'm ready. This is going to be good.

Paranoid Public Personality

2011-07-31T13:34:00.001-05:00

While shopping at Target, I overheard some people a few rows over.

Shopper 1: Isn't that Thom White?
Shopper 2: Yeah. He was there reviewing the show last night... main character... writes for a New York magazine...

That's all that I could make out from their conversation. Being paranoid about what people think of me, my mind started racing, wondering if Genesius Guilders still hate me and mocked me in this year's comedy and I missed it. They made fun of Julie Jensen, but maybe I missed a joke at my expense. I've been given no reason to believe GGers no longer hate me for last year's review of "A Midsummer Night's Dream," other than a personal apology from Don Wooten for some of the Guilders' behavior. (At the same time, I've been given no reason to believe GGers still hate me, either.) I tend to obsess about what people think of me, though, usually assuming the worst, which is admittedly paranoid.

That said, I actually quite like being recognized in public. It's not that I think I'm anything special, but that I like feeling special when a stranger knows who I am. It's neat and gives me a good feeling that lasts the rest of the day. While I don't review theatre or appear daily on the news for the public attention, the recognition is quite a nice perk. Well, just as long as people don't hate me, of course.

It's Hard Out There For a Chi

2011-07-30T11:35:00.001-05:00

Chloe has had a rough couple of days this week. Well, rough by her standards.

Yesterday, I gave Chloe a bath. While she doesn't like the procedure, she's at least really good while being bathed. Fortunately for her, she only needs a bath every two months or so, since she keeps herself very clean (even washing her own face every day.)

Today, Chloe had a vet appointment for a heartworm test and a nail trimming. She HATES having her nails clipped and, as a precaution, had to wear a muzzle, which she hated even more than the pedicure! The vet had to take Chloe to the back, out of sight of me, which helped a bit. (Chloe is more cooperative with others when I am not around.) Drawing blood for the heartworm test was not a problem. Muzzling her, though, was. Chloe responded by pooping on the vet. It was a rough visit for my little boo boo.

As if that weren't enough, whatever the vet used to clean up Chloe after pooping stinks really badly. Yuck. So, Chloe had to have another bath when we got home. Two baths in as many days. She may never trust the sound of running water again!

A Nice, Calm Birthday

2011-07-25T16:37:00.000-05:00

I enjoyed exactly the kind of day I wanted for my birthday last Thursday. Not wanting to much ado about it, I appreciated the Facebook birthday wishes and cards I received, which brought a smile to my face, and relished the time with my family in the evening. It was just the day I'd hoped for on my birthday.

Matt and the girls took me to Chili's, which has some of my favorite salads. Matt and I even enjoyed a cherry limeade made with vodka! Yum! We followed dinner up with an ice cream pizza from Maggie Moo's, which was DELICIOUS! The girls were tickled over it, which is what I enjoyed more than the dessert itself. I'm happier when they're delighted with something.

For my gift, Matt and the girls got me a netbook. Does anyone use a netbook any more? I'm not sure they're a hot commodity, but it's something I'd wanted and didn't expect to get. I wanted it because it's perfect for reviewing theatre. The netbook is small enough to carry with me and boots up quickly so that I can write some notes or even a rough draft of my review during a show's intermission and on the drive home (when Matt drives, of course.) I had the chance to use my new netbook Friday and it's a huge help! I can write my thoughts as they're fresh in my head rather than trying to remember details or decipher my horrible writing the next day. So, a great gift that was both a surprise and practical! Yay!

The Face of Christian Terrorism?

2011-07-25T11:02:00.000-05:00

Todd Green clearly puts into words, including a bit of sarcasm, what I have wanted to say for so long but couldn't share so precisely.

"But for all of the Christians who have expressed outrage in recent days over Breivik's identification with the Christian faith, you need not worry. You're safe. You will not be implicated in Breivik's crimes. You will be acquitted in the eyes of the media and the broader public."

"If only the millions upon millions of Muslims who deplore the violence committed by radicals in the name of Islam could be given this same benefit of the doubt."

Todd Green, Ph.D.: The Face of Christian Terrorism?

On Being Happy with What You Have

2011-07-22T13:28:00.000-05:00

I was just thinking about this during the morning drive. My life could be very different had I made different choices throughout my journey. Would I like my life any better? It doesn't matter, because I like my life now.

7/18/11 Tiny Wisdom: On Being Happy with What You Have | Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

I Hate Being Hated

2011-07-18T12:05:00.000-05:00

It's been a rough week, as a reviewer. I haven't slept all that well, with responses to a recent review occupying my mind, keeping it too busy to rest.

It's also been a week of introspection, as I consider what's bothering me and what to do about it. I've already minimized my presence on Facebook, since it's the main source from which I read negative comments about my reviews. I don't need to see what others are saying, which isn't meant for my eyes anyway, so I'm avoiding that pain inducer of a social network. (Find me at Google+ here.)

As I do away with one source of my pain, I'm also evaluating what it is that's causing me to hurt. What I've found is that it's not the negative reaction to a mixed review I've written. I understand that people will be hurt by or react negatively to my dislike of an aspect of their performance or production. It's matters of opinion, so there won't always be agreement. No, it's not the disagreement that bothers me, it's the hate for me, specifically, as if the entirety of my being, my character, my personality is wrapped up in one opinion.

I started reviewing local theatre as a means of being a part of the local theatre community. At the time, my work schedule would not allow me to perform in a show. Reviewing, however, would let me get to know local actors, directors, musicians, etc. and be a part of the scene within my time constraints. It's worked, but with some negative repercussions.

While I wanted to be liked within the theatre community, I didn't want to do so by boosting egos and lying about my opinion in order to be liked. Instead, I've always written the kind of reviews I'd want to receive. As an actor, I don't want my ego stroked. Although it's nice, I'd rather know both what I did that worked and what I did that didn't work so that I can grow as an actor. I've also been careful to be pointed without intending to be cruel. While some things I've written may hurt feelings, it's never once been my intent to be mean. If I have been, it's due to my weaknesses as a writer.

Some comments I've received, however, are filled with bitterness, intending to cut me to the core. That, I can't stomach. Disagree with me, fine, but intend to hurt me and, well, I will hurt and hurt deeply. What bothers me is that such comments shouldn't bother me. I should keep my mind on the local, respectable theatre folk who handle a mixed review with maturity. The directors who've written lengthy, nasty e-mails to me shouldn't matter. The actors who sit in front of me at plays and hurl insults over their shoulder at me shouldn't even be on my radar. However, they are. I can't seem to help but give more attention to the hate, since I don't cope well with it and struggle to overcome it.

What hurts even more so is when it comes from friends or from people I respect within the local theatre community. I'm currently dealing with hateful reaction to a recent review. The director made clear how much he hates me, both when I next saw him at another of the theatre's productions and while speaking with a friend of mine after that production (who later told me, "Boy, So-and-so REALLY hates you!") This director also joined in with a few other cast members of his show to toss piercing glances and comments in my direction as we sat waiting for the musical I was reviewing to start. It was clear I was not welcome in that theatre, a theatre I quite adore.

I share this, not to tattle on this director, but to offer some perspective into my experience. I've admired this director's work, both on stage and in the director's chair, since I first saw him three years ago. For three years, he's had nothing but good to glowing reviews from me. Suddenly, one mixed review wipes out three years of raves. That hurts quite a bit, in that this is someone I liked and respected, who I thought was one of the more mature members of the community. To be hated baffles me and has haunted my mind and my heart for days now. And, this is just one of several similar experiences I've had with put out performers.

On a more general note, another friend recently told me that there are several people who've said they wish I'd stop reviewing and Mike would start again, because I'm too mean. My first response (as was Mike's when I shared this with him) was to point out that Mike is much more, shall we say, pointed than I am in his reviews. My second internal response was to cry, to contemplate quitting, to feel utterly rejected by the community I love so much.

I won't quit, though. And, I won't soften my writing to appease a few egos. (How can you trust a reviewer who only writes positive reviews? Is not each review rendered meaningless?) I will continue to share my opinions openly and honestly, but I'll also still feel the pain when my writing inspires personal attacks. :-(

Sanity Cleanup

2011-07-15T12:53:00.000-05:00

Inspired by the Google+ operates, in that everything is not shared with anyone, I've cleaned up my facebook account. My main concern with Facebook is that I see comments I don't want to see and end up emotionally hurt by things not necessarily meant for my eyes. To protect my heart, I've created a new friends list, populated with just the people with which I really want to interact.

I've also removed all interaction with websites and such outside of Facebook. I have this desire for feedback and it often gets me into trouble. So, my blogs will no longer post to Facebook, nor will articles I want to share. Facebook will only be used for keeping in touch with friends. (I'll save the articles for Google+, where I can control who sees them.)

After days of heartache due to a few comments with undertones of hate, I'm taking control and protecting my emotions. God knows, I need it.

Unpopular Opinion

2011-07-13T11:37:00.001-05:00

Reparative therapy is in the headlines, as of late, thanks to the discovery of its practice in Michelle Bachmann's husband's counseling practice. The therapy is used to suppress the homosexual desires of good Christian men and women. Some call it a cure, though I refuse to go that far. I do, however, have a different opinion of the practice than the general public.

I went through similar practices in my attempt to be the person God wanted me to be which is, of course, not gay. Hell, in my good Christian past, I even led a group of men trying to overcome homosexuality. While I would never lead such a group again, nor would I encourage anyone to be part of one, I do get it. There are men and women who, for whatever reason, don't want to be gay. (While I could easily argue the problems with that, I won't here, as that's not the point I want to make.) For them, I believe they should have the choice to be able to take part in reparative therapy and I don't think Bachmann and her husband should be vilified for offering the practice.

I compare it to becoming a priest or a nun, in that a man or woman who devotes their life to the church in that way must suppress their sexuality, hetero or homo. They choose to overcome their sexual urges, needs and desires in order to be a better priest or nun, so to speak. In the same way, as was my experience, there are men and women who want to overcome their homosexual urges because they believe them to be sinful.

Again, I am not defending the practice itself, but I am defending the right to use it. I used it. While I wouldn't vouch for it, I do understand why people turn to it and I think that reasoning should be tackled at the source, rather than at the "cure."

Did You Read My Review?

2011-07-12T10:52:00.000-05:00

I received a comment on my review of a local production of Jesus Christ Superstar. Since it would be poor form to respond to it on the Reader website, I'll blog about it here, where few will see it, m'kay? ;-)

As I do respect several things in this review, there is one thing I must get off my chest:

The story of Jesus and Judas becomes dynamically strong given the variants that might occur within interpretation. Had Jesus consistently been biblically written as the underdog lined with sadness and despair, fantastic tales would've never been written about him; let alone a musical. It would be boring. "A man aware of his ultimately sacrificial role" wouldn't "poor me" around his followers and friends. To give your lifelong message meaning, ink it with exposing, irascible truth.

I completely agree with the underlying point, but the details do not directly relate to my actual review. I wrote, the actor's "Jesus is quick to anger, and an intense, physical, fists-ready-to-fight anger, at that. His Jesus is more of a hothead enjoying the accolades of his followers than a man aware of his ultimately sacrificial role in saving the world; it’s hard to connect with him, to attach to him, which renders his death much less moving than it should be." Nowhere in the review did I say I thought Jesus should be an "underdog lined with sadness and despair." I think that would horribly bland and boring. I simply meant he should not be so angry so easily, but his emotions should be nuanced. The actor needed to shade the character more so than he did, but not by making his Jesus a wuss. This commenter extrapolated meaning from my review that is not there.

Furthermore, the anger that plays into Judas' emotions are rightfully there and (fully exposed) would shine a glimmer to a much more sinister engagement. Also, Webber and Rice's Judas could definitely use a good dose of gender-bending. A female Judas attaches a much different, yet equally effective view within both sides of a cross-gendered betrayal.

Again, extrapolating. And, this one is less forgivable, so to speak. I wrote that the actress "creates a Judas who is pretty much just resentfully angry with Jesus." I did not say I had a problem with Judas being angry. I said that's pretty much the only emotion the actress used in portraying Judas. I went on to write that her "acting effort could use more subtlety," which, again, means it needs something more than just resentful anger. Anyone can act one emotion. A good actor can act multiple emotions. (And, the actress portraying Judas is one of my favorites in the area, so I know she could better shade her Judas.)

I do not believe we should be so immediately deterred with a Bible of heavenly, simply graceful theme. More so a book of conflict and despair, anger and forgiveness. Leave it up for interpretation and let the story affect you in your specific way.

Again, nowhere in my review did I say I wanted a "fluffy" interpretation of this biblical story. I'd honestly hate that. (see previous post) I appreciate that Webber and Rice are attempting to look at the humanity of these people, particularly Jesus. I get it. I like it. I wish it would've been played up more so by this local production. I would've loved it if this performance included "conflict and despair, anger and forgiveness" instead of pretty much just anger between the two main characters.

But, I AM the Public!

2011-07-12T10:29:00.000-05:00

"The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all." - Mark Twain

As a reviewer, I do not like being considered separate from the public. Frankly, I don't deserve it. I am just an average theatre-goer, part of the public. Like every single person in every filled seat in the theatre, I have an opinion about the production. Some of us may be more discerning than others, but we each, individually, have an opinion. I am part of the public, an individual in it. I just happen to have the privilege of writing my opinion down and having it published in a newspaper. To me, that is the only difference between myself and the person next to me watching yet another production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

That said, I am perhaps most offended as a reviewer by comments separating me from the public, as if my opinion (usually when it's negative) doesn't matter, but every other patron's does. Granted, I'm perhaps more honest than most patrons, in that many a person is more likely to be polite and say, "I enjoyed the show!" to an actor afterward, when in fact, they didn't. Or, as is often my experience, enjoyed the show, but thought certain aspects of it could've been better, but don't mention them face to face with someone involved with the production. It just happens to be my job to point out the latter, too.

"Hate" is a Strong Word

2011-07-11T12:26:00.000-05:00

I'm often amused, sometimes hurt, when I see comments regarding one of my theatre reviews claiming I "hated" a show. It's very rare that I actually hate a production. There's typically something good about everything I've seen, so far. So, "hate" is rarely a word that applies to what I think of a performance. I may hate elements of it, but hardly ever the over all piece.

What happens, though, is that there are people wired to see things as only black and white. With that, I can give a mostly positive review, but some will see it as entirely negative because of a few pieces of criticism I include in an article. This recently happened with a production which I raved about the singing, but didn't care much for the interpretation, or lack of, of the piece. An actor said I "hated" it. I didn't. I very clearly enjoyed the vocal performance and even referred to the show as "quite-enjoyable" among other positive remarks. And yet, I somehow hated it. Sigh. (There was even a comment about how "bitter" I am. Really?!?)

Or, people are just nuts and don't get it. For example, I wrote a rave review for Circa 21's A Close Walk with Patsy Cline. In the review, I said that I don't much care for that genre of music, but despite that, I thoroughly enjoyed the performance. One person read the entire review as negative because of that one line, that I don't like classic country music. Ugh.

It's taken me time to learn to thicken my skin against such comments. What I've found is that the strongest performers in the are a quite cordial about reviews, even the bad ones. I've received notes from actors and directors thanking me for seeing their show and sharing my opinion, even though it was a mostly negative one. That's a classy response that understand the nature of reviewing entertainment.

Then there are the people who consistently lash out after I review a show which they are in or directed. There are a couple of local performers who see only the negative in my reviews. In one review, I mentioned that I didn't much care for the script, but, in spite of that, quite enjoyed the performance of it. To me, how can there be any higher compliment. The fact that someone has taken something I, or anyone, disliked and turned it into something I liked is quite impressive. Still, despite an almost entirely positive review, the director reference my writing with only comments about my distaste for the script. I found that quite odd, but I also realized, at that point, that some people will never be pleased.

It's all part of my growing experience. I am still amazed that Mike Schulz allows me to review local theatre for the River Cities Reader, thinking myself unworthy, especially in comparison to his mastery of both writing and reviewing. I also don't think myself anything of note. I am an average theatre-goer with an opinion, just like every other person in the audience. The only difference is, I get to write my thoughts down and have them printed in a paper. That does not make me special. It just makes me the target of some actors' ire because, you know, I hate everything.

Those Darn "Sells Tactics"

2011-07-08T11:05:00.000-05:00

Just got this e-mail from a viewer:

You cant find anything more to report on then an Island for sale in Rock Island, WHO cares, what is your news a Reality company now and you advertise sales on the news? And it is boring enough to report on the Turkey Island sale but every day for 3 days. Give us some informative news not boring, sells tactics.

It never ceases to amaze me how people think a newsroom can't multi-task, covering more than one story at once.

Introspective

2011-02-08T11:33:00.000-06:00

I'm in this really introspective place in life right now. While there have been times in the past that I've looked internally, it's been in overdrive during the past month or so. I'm becoming aware of my image, of how I am perceived by others and how I respond to people and situations. And, I don't like a lot of it.

A few years ago, I won an award at work. During the presentation of it, I was referred to as "the nicest guy in the newsroom." There is no way anyone would refer to me as such now. Years of unhappiness under previous managers and dealing with viewers who call in with a sense of entitlement and a lack of a story worth sharing or opinions that ignore that facts I've presented in my newscasts have worn away at my spirit.

Now, I acknowledge that I've made the choice, consciously or subconsciously, in how I've responded in thought and attitude to these things. It's my own fault I'm at a place where I'm no longer "the nicest guy" and am rather grumbly and sometimes (or, perhaps, oftentimes) a flat out asshole with which to work. It's also my responsibility to change it, which isn't easy. Years of creating a naturally negative response to what I believe is stupidity will not change overnight. And, I'm only just beginning the effort blindly, struggling to figure out how to return to the excellent listener, polite colleague and loyal friend I once was.

It won't be easy, but it's necessary for my emotional well-being. There's a new clique in place at work and I'm not a part of it. In fact, some members often have me feeling like I'm back in high school, the outsider being made fun of, albeit it in less direct ways this time around. However, I think I'm subtly ridiculed because I'm difficult, annoying and acerbic. Perhaps I deserve it. Could it be karma?

Anyway, this is part of the "change" I tweeted about as my theme for 2011. One aspect of that change is me, my personality, replacing my cynicism for optimistic kindness and faith in people. It has to happen, lest I grow old and lonely.

Few Friends

2011-01-02T11:03:00.000-06:00

Matt and I have few friends. By that I mean we have few people with which we consistently spend time. The three friends with which we most spend time are good friends I value greatly (although, we should give them more of our time.) However, we would benefit from having more friends.

Much of the fact that we have few friends is that we are lazy and selfish with our time. We do not make nor commit to plans in advance very often. It is just our style to see what unfolds the day of. That could be part of the reason we get few invitations to join people for an evening. It is possible we have turned down enough invites that people we know no longer offer them.

Or, we are not very good friends to others. I am not aware of specific examples, but

Resolution

2011-01-01T11:39:00.000-06:00

I am not big on New Year's resolutions m as I make resolutions throughout the year and am not big on tying things specifically to holidays. This year however,a movie struck me at the right time to maker a New Year's resolution. Oddly, it was the newer The Karate Kid, which I quite enjoyed. There was a theme of being honorable, which spoke to my soul. That is my resolution.

In 2011, I want to explore, to meditate on and practice what it means to be honorable. I worry that I am too late in the game to make significant changes to who I am as a person, but I intend to make the effort to do so and become the person I want to be, which is not entirely the person I currently am.

Adult Purchase

2010-11-23T18:06:00.000-06:00

Matt and I bought a couch. After three years of talking about buying a couch, we finally bought one. We are adults.

Actually, it took a while for two reasons. One, we like Ikea's style, but not the quality of their furniture. And, that style has been virtually impossible to find in the Quad Cities. We did find something very similar, but it was in EuroSuede, which we hate. Two, we've had an unwillingness to spend so much money. When we did find a couch in a style we liked, it was outrageously priced. So, we continued to use the couch Matt brought into the relationship.

His couch is a brown vinyl. It's cold in the winter and hot in the summer. And, it does not quite match the style of our living room. In fact, it's the one element that keeps the living room from being cohesive in style. One couch makes the entire room look unfinished, not thought through.

Finally, however, we stopped into a furniture store on a rare occasion that Matt was willing to entertain my desire just to browse. He found the couch. It's perfect. It's very much Ikea-like in style and at a very reasonable price. It's the exact color of gray he wants and it's uber-comfortable. It'll be delivered in two to four weeks.

So, we are adults, having purchased our first couch together and my first self-purchased one. And, on the same weekend we had some masonry work done on our home! Couch + Masonry = All Grown Up

Willpower Shmillpower

2010-11-22T10:38:00.000-06:00

I weigh more than I ever have in my life. That's not to say I'm fat. My current weight is actually much more normal for my height than has been my weight prior to this point, which has long been skinny. Still, I'd rather be skinny, especially because my weight is showing in my face, puffing out my jawline just a bit.

The fact that I also carry my extra weight on my midsection renders my body the shape of a tube, basically. Blah. I have skinny legs, no shoulders to speak of, skinny arms and a tube-like torso. (I do, however, have a cute posterior, so I'm told.) Even when I was in my best shape while working out consistently, this was still pretty much the case. Double blah.

At any rate, I'm not happy with my present state of weight and would like to slim down, lost some fat. In the past, a low carb diet worked really, really well for me. I dropped to skin and bones in about two weeks. With that in mind, I decided to go low carb again.

Friday, I packed only two protein shakes, a protein bar, an apple and some carrots for lunch and snacks while at work. (Yes, I know that apples and carrots have carbs, but I follow the rule that unprocessed plant carbs don't count.) Unfortunately, the low carb diet does not work well for my emotional state. I get really irritable, cranky, angry and prone to rudeness (beyond my usual rude nature.)

After lunch, I was quite moody... and remembered that I have a bag of pretzels and, more importantly, a package of Oreos in my desk drawer. I quickly downed at least three servings of pretzels, prepared myself a coffee and then ate ten Oreos. TEN!

It wasn't pretty. Sure, I was less cranky, but I also had a headache. Not. Good. I just can't resist Oreos. Especially the Double Stuf. YUM!

Overwhelmed With Accidents

2010-11-12T10:31:00.000-06:00

7 year old Madison had a rough evening last night. As soon as I walked into the door after arriving home from work, she started apologizing to me.

"I'm sorry, Thom. I'm so sorry," she said. "I accidentally hit the lamp with my foot and broke it. I'm really sorry."

The tears welled up in her eyes as a sob started in her throat. I didn't even have a chance to settle in and arrive, so to speak, at home from the day's work, so it took a minute for me to get my bearings and understand the situation. My first thought was that she must have been doing cartwheels in the living room -- again -- and kicked the lamp on her way to a landing. Her answer to my question as to whether or not that's what happened confirmed it.

My next thought (and I told her this as gently as possible, but unable to hide the frustration underlying my tone) was that she's been told over and over and over to pay attention to what she's doing and limit how much she's doing her gymnastics in the house. She's downright banned from cartwheeling through her mom's house. Matt and I allow it because she's so passionate about gymnastics and it's good practice in between her weekly classes. We also have a rather large living room with a lot of open space in which she can cartwheel. However, she's constantly reminded to pay attention to where she's cartwheeling and to be extra careful. She did not do that and ended up ripping apart a paper floor lamp.

How I respond to and interact with the girls is already at the forefront of my thinking this week. This did not hit me well. A mixture of frustration at Madison and a sadness for her, seeing how this accident diminished her inner light of happiness, conflicted with each other. I ended up almost mentally catatonic with sadness, not knowing how to handle this situation and neglecting to realize that Matt probably already handled it before I got home. On the one hand, Madison needed to learn a lesson from this experience. On the other, her spirit cannot be broken. She must understand that accidents happen, why accidents happen and that she's responsible for her decisions and actions. (I can say that now, but I wasn't able to make such a cohesive thought at the time.)

We ate dinner as a family, mostly forgetting the incident while the four of us enjoyed the meal and family conversation. Hannah and Madison excitedly shared that they stopped and bought cupcakes for dessert. Yum! I will never turn down a cupcake!

Dinner ended and Madison was anxious to serve the cupcakes, saying she wanted to be helpful. This, I knew, she considered her penance, her means of making up for breaking the lamp. Madison excitedly walked over to the counter, pulled the cupcakes from the bag and then tried to open the container. It popped open, flipped to its side and three cupcakes fell to the floor. The little girl stood there in somewhat of a state of shock, disbelief and uncertainty. She wasn't sure what to do. Madison tried to pick up the cupcakes, but they had fallen into the corner of the cupboards which I struggle to keep adequately swept. The cupcakes were dusty and yucky. I told her not to pick them up, they were too dirty.

"I can't do anything right," Madison sobbed as she ran into the living room to cry.

It broke my heart. It was an accident, but coupled with the accident that broke the lamp, it was overwhelming for the poor little thing.

All three cupcakes landed on their extra thick frosting, so I salvaged the actual cakes and wiped up the mess. (Our chihuahua, Chloe, helped. I couldn't keep her away.) While I said I would never turn down a cupcake, this overwhelming sadness for Madison took away my cupcake appetite. I carried the tray over to Matt and said that I didn't need one, that they should each enjoy their dessert. He called Madison into the dining room and the joy of a sweet treat overruled her disappointment with herself.

Holding back tears, I decided to go upstairs to fold laundry, to allow Matt and the girls to enjoy their dessert without my somber presence. Madison followed me up shortly.

"Now someone doesn't get a cupcake with frosting on it," she said, tears returning to her eyes. "And, it's my fault."

I told Madison to sit on the bed next to me and I made the effort to explain to Madison that she needs to pay attention to what she's doing and ask for help when she needs it. "That, my sweet, is how to avoid accidents." I hugged her and told her I still think she's special and love her very much.

"Thank you, Thom," she said. "Can I read you some of my books?"

"I would love that, Madison."

Difference of (Discipline) Opinion

2010-11-11T10:34:00.000-06:00

Matt and I come from very different perspectives when it comes to disciplining Hannah and Madison. He tends to let a lot of things go, while I think a lot more guiding punishment should be implemented. However, he's their father and has made it clear that it is not my place to administer discipline beyond basic reprimands.

Matt's mother took a relational approach to disciplining her children. When Matt misbehaved, his mother chose to put a wall up between them, to cut him off as a friend, so to speak. His punishment was to suffer a cold relationship with his mother.

My parents spanked us. A lot. While I would argue we were not abused, my mother and father were definitely generous with the wooden spoon. It was their only form of punishment, so the degree of misbehavior did not matter. (Although, my sister was grounded a few times and got the belt at least once.)

I do not resent my parents for spanking me. I turned out okay. I think. However, I would not use a spanking as punishment for my kids. Nor would I use Matt's mother's approach, which strikes me as odd and cruel. But, I find myself biting my tongue often, thinking the girls need to be punished to a greater degree for certain offenses, or held accountable for their behavior. Actually, that's how I see it, being held accountable rather than simply punished. Our job is to guide them, to shape who they will become through both encouragement and discipline. With my stricter upbringing, I think the girls need more guidance than they get.

It does put a bit of a strain on my relationship with Matt. I don't often get mad at him, but I do get frustrated with him for, as I see it, allowing his kids to behave as they do at times. Don't get me wrong, though. Hannah and Madison are good kids. Their misbehavior is minor, but should be addressed. Still, that could be a matter of opinion. For example, I don't think they should have to be told three times that it's bedtime before they get up off the couch. Dad said it's bedtime, you get up off the couch right now and go upstairs. Period. As focused on in my previous post, there's also the issue of Hannah being disrespectful, rude and downright mean to her sister, though she's a good kid, over all.

What I've found is that I fell into a pattern of chastising the girls quite a bit and, once I recognized that, I didn't like it. While I'd prefer creative punishments that fit the crime and truly teach a lesson, my hands are tied in that area. My tongue, however, is not. Still, I must use it wisely to guide the girls rather than to bruise their spirits or, what I fear most, permanently scar them. That is what prompted my decision to acknowledge and encourage positive behavior, per my previous post. There still needs to be disciplinary lessons for bad behavior, like Hannah's name-calling of her sister, and I struggle to find a balance. My driving force, however, is that I want the girls to be happy, to enjoy life and to blossom into women who are beautiful to their core.

Not Seen, But Heard

2010-11-10T16:42:00.000-06:00

I think I made a parenting mistake this morning.

11 year old Hannah was especially verbally abusive to her 7 year old sister during our ride to school this morning. I'm trying a new approach with them, rewarding good behavior and not acknowledging bad behavior unless it's so bad it really needs to be addressed. (Also, Matt's the one who should be disciplining, not me.) With that approach, I did not say anything to Hannah, but said encouraging things to Madison after each mean statement intended for her little ears.

"You're the most disgusting person ever," Hannah said after seeing Madison pick her nose.

"You are not the most disgusting person, Madison," I said. "I pick my nose often, too. Sometimes you just have to do it!"

I didn't say much, though, planning in my head what I would say to Madison once Hannah was out of earshot.

Once at school, I wished Hannah a good day, waited to let her be in control of whether or not we hugged a goodbye or just spoke it, and then accompanied Madison to her place in line. Once there, I knelt down and gave Madison a big hug and said to her, "You are a very special girl, Madison. Don't listen to the names Hannah calls you. She's just mean sometimes because she's your sister. You're special and you're not disgusting and I love you very much."

Madison is happy at the core of her being. While she does get sad and is often overly apologetic, she's a happy little girl, in general. I can see that spark fading, though, and I want to protect it. I want her to carry that core of happiness for the rest of her life. It pains me to see anyone try to extinguish it, including Hannah.

Hannah, on the other hand, is sullen, bossy and negative. She's a smart girl, can be a great help to others and is very creative. However, she struggles to be happy, it seems. It's not at the core of her nature. That, too, pains me and I often try to come up with ways to help her focus on the positive.

Yesterday, I asked her, "Who made you smile today?"

"What does that mean," she said, with a condescending dismissal. "Nobody made me smile."

She wasn't saying it from a sadness, but from a negative place of bitterness, perhaps. I pressed on.

"You didn't smile at all today?"

"Jenna, I guess," she admitted.

"What did she do to make you smile?" I asked.

"I don't know," was her response. "That's a weird question."

I gave up and moved onto another subject, still being positive. In my head, I planned to ask Madison the same question with Hannah in earshot, hoping it might make Hannah think about what made her happy and hoping that thought would grow into something more.

But, I made a mistake this morning. As I talked to Madison about how special she is, telling her not to believe the mean things Hannah says, Hannah was standing behind me. While I was hugging Madison, Hannah had approached from behind me, standing quietly until I finished. It wasn't until I was walking off that I heard Hannah say, "Can I have a hug, Madison" and turned to see that she was there.

Did she hear me? Did Hannah hear me say she says mean things? It's true, but how would an 11 year old girl hear that? What would she take as my meaning? What damage did it do? I didn't intend to hurt Hannah in any way, only to encourage Madison. I may have done more harm, however, than good.

Back to Blogging

2010-11-10T10:22:00.000-06:00

I've fallen out of the habit of blogging, as you well know. I was quite consistent with it when I was single and in need of connection. Now that I'm happily coupled and have a family, I no longer need that connection as much. While I though I had little to blog about, as a result, I'm thinking I want to take this blog in a new direction, talking about being a parent when I never expected to be a parent and other thoughts and experiences regarding my family.

[thank you, jaded theatre goer. thank you]

2010-07-08T08:43:00.000-05:00

A recent review of mine did not go over well with those reviewed. I didn't think my review of the show was all that bad, but some of the people involved in the show focused entirely on the negatives I included and even interpreted some of the positives as negatives. It turned into a hurtful firestorm of comments.

Here are the lowlights:

"I don't think this review is fair, and it is a shame if others are influenced by you, as your review was obviously as whiny as you thought any of the actors were!"

"This is one of the worst reviews I have ever read!"

"Next time, maybe you should spend more time talking about something connected to the show instead of your crappy seat which is no fault of ours."

The comments are far worse in the context of the whole comment and represent a personal struggle of mine as a reviewer. I do not have a thick skin; my feelings are easily hurt. While I know my reviews can hurt people, too, I am careful to be constructive in my criticism rather than spiteful so that I am not aiming offensive remarks at anyone. Were negative comments about my negative reviews constructive themselves, I could learn from them. As is, I just go cry in the corner and question whether or not I want to even continue reviewing local theatre.

Feelings aside, what baffles me is how much stock people put in my opinion. (Or, rather, my negative opinion.) Really? Who am I? I'm no one special, no one of consequence. I am simply a theatre patron, just like the man sitting beside me or the woman sitting in front of me. We each have an opinion on the night's performance. The difference is, I have the privilege of having my opinion printed in a newspaper. That's it. I am not an authority on theatre. My opinion is not the end all opinion. If I didn't like a performance, but the cast and crew worked hard and are proud of their work, then my opinion should be ignored and the cast should continue to be proud. Or, they could think on my thoughts and consider what could be forgotten and what could make for a better performance in the future.

I also struggle with how to respond to hateful comments, if I should respond at all. I've decided I should not respond, but it eats away at me. These comments listed above are all I can think about since they were posted. While crying in a corner, I do take them to heart, meditate on them and try to learn from them to grow as a reviewer and as a member of the local theatre community.

Even with that rule, I decided I should respond on the website on which these comments were left. I loaded the newspaper's site this morning with prepared comment in mind. It turns out, I didn't have to throw my hat into the ring. A commenter signing him or herself as "jaded theatre goer" came to my defense, making every point I wanted to make (other than reserving a seat for reviewers. I don't think that's necessary, as I want to write from the experience of an everyday theatre patron, not a reviewer.) Here is the comment:

Wow! I am surprised by the comments. A review is one person's opinion. An opinion which you solicit in order to publicize your show. If seats are hard to come by, you could set aside an area for the reviewer. If all of your performances are well attended (and I hope they will be as the review as not as bad as you are making it out to be, and the whiny comment about Ms. Tunnicliff was actually a compliment) someone will have to sit in that same position or far off. Yes, it's free. Yes, it's outdoors. But if you are going to do theatre, inside or out, people have expectations--including seeing and hearing the show. Those theatres with mics are criticized when their equipment is not in good working order. There were some wonderful comments made and this review would certainly not deter me from coming. But, I don't like the "bash the reviewer" position. His opinion and he's entitled to it. And I am turned off that the actors are criticizing because someone did not stroke their egos. If you need a review to be secure in what you are doing and providing (and trust me what GG provides in this community is VITALLY IMPORTANT!), then you are doing theatre for the wrong reasons.

Thank you, jaded theatre goer. I truly thank you. You said it better than I could have and, in so doing, lifted my spirits and reminded me that the local theatre community isn't made up of all bad apples, just a few.

[judging compassion]

2010-06-09T11:46:00.000-05:00

There's a new "repost this if you agree" Facebook status message that's making the rounds that's factually inaccurate and disseminates hatred, judgment and false information. If only people would read, think through and understand what they're reposting. Sigh.

Here's the status:

So, where are all the "Save the Gulf" concerts? Where are the TV benefits with celebrities and musicians giving heart felt speeches on the poor fisherman, wildlife, beaches, loss of income and sabotaged gulf economy? I find it rather strange how these people (including our own ...government) are so quick to help Haiti and ...other countries but sit on their butts for this one! REPOST if you agree!!!!!!!!!!!

There are so many problems with this. For one, you cannot argue that BP must be held financially accountable for the Gulf oil crisis AND demand fundraisers to help those hurt by it. If you don't think BP should foot the entire bill for containment, cleanup and economic losses, then you're not a hypocrite when reposting this. However, if you think BP should cover all costs, then advocating a benefit concert and other fundraisers gets BP off the hook by whatever amount is raised. BP promises to cover the entire cost, including paying out legitimate claims for monetary loss due to the oil spill. If BP makes good on that promise, why would we need a benefit concert?

As for celebrities apparently not doing their part, that's just utterly ridiculous. James Cameron is actively involved in coming up with a solution to stop the leak. Kevin Costner is trying to get his centrifuge system to the gulf to help cleanup the already leaked oil. Jimmy Buffett is holding a benefit concert in Florida. These are just a few celebrities actively helping with the situation. There are many more. They're just not getting media coverage because the coverage is focused on other aspects of the crisis, for the time being. I've also seen "heartfelt speeches" as denied by the status message, so it's just a lie based out of ignorance of what's actually happening. There are outcries of compassion for the wildlife and the welfare of the people.

And, dammit, the government is involved and has been involved since the beginning of the crisis! The U.S. Coast Guard is an extension of the government. It's been on site and continues to be on site since the beginning. So, it's deceptive to say that the government is sitting on its butt. It may not be doing as much as you think it should be doing, but what exactly do you think it should be doing? How can the government directly do something? If I were in charge, I'd make sure the experts were behind the effort. The experts are the oil companies, who say BP is doing what it should do to try to stop this.

And the helping Haiti over the U.S. is old and ridiculous. In 2008, Americans donated $307 billion to U.S. charities. Haiti Relief totaled $1.4 billion, including help from various government, so only part of that is equal to the $307 billion donated to U.S. charities, since that number does not include government funds. Even if you count the entire $1.4 billion, it's still less than 1% of what was given to U.S. charities in 2008. In comparison, Americans donated $2.3 billion toward relief efforts after 9/11 and $3.4 billion toward Hurricane Katrina relief. Yep. That sure is sitting on our butts for all things domestic, but rushing to the aid of foreign countries!

But, more than anything, I'm personally offended by the judgment and condemnation of compassion intrinsic to this status message. If I want to donate my hard-earned, self-earned money to Haitian Relief or use it to sponsor a child in Africa, or give it to an animal shelter in Tennessee, that's my right. It's my money. It's my heart. It's my compassion. I'm sure there are things you care strongly about which I think are a waste of time and money, but I respect that they are what's on your heart and do not judge how you give, what you give or what you give your money to out of compassion. How dare you judge anyone else's.

[yin and yang]

2010-05-27T18:20:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about people being both good and bad. It's one of many lessons I'm taking from my interactions with viewers. At the core of many argument is a total dislike of a person or a party. And, it's not valid.

A lot of the rhetoric in political talk includes a complete disregard for a political figure as a person. The Republicans hate any and all Democrats and vice versa. It's too easy to see party rather than person. Some who criticize President Obama, for example, speak with such extreme words, like comparing him to Hitler or referring to him sarcastically as "The One" or "The Messiah". It's not true, it's not appropriate and it bears a condescending "I'm a better person" attitude.

Okay, I'm starting to meander into a side issue. I simple mean that as perspective as to what I'm hearing and what's teaching me to remember that each and every person is a person, a human being, a fallible entity. No one is all good or all bad. Each and every person is a bit of both. So, a bad choice may come from a good person.

Take the border issue, for example. There are people who are hateful toward illegal immigrants. I understand the stance of living by the letter of the law. Fine. I would agree that laws should be followed. However, I do not think crossing a border illegally is reason to hate a person. What if that person has a family starving at home, with little to no food on the table for days on end. What if he makes the choice to try to sneak into the U.S. to get work, to make some money to support his family. Sure, he could do it legally. But, would his family die of starvation before that process is complete? I'm not trying to justify his illegal actions. I simply want to point out that his motives are good even if his actions are bad. He deserves compassion.

Don't get me wrong, though. I'm not advocating love for everyone with disregard for bad behavior. This man made a choice and deserves to be punished. However, he does not deserve to be hated. He made a poor choice.

Well, shoot. I set out to try to get a point across about seeing people as individuals who make mistakes and end up all over the anti-Obama and immigrations issues. That was not my intent. I just wonder, why can't we all just get along, respect differences, voice opposing opinions, but not make it personal. And realize there's someone with feelings that can be hurt by our words.

[a case of the month of the Mondays]

2010-04-20T08:24:00.000-05:00

April has not been a kind month for the White-Walker family, particularly the Mondays.

The first Monday of the month we hit a deer while driving home from Iowa City. Matt's car is rendered unusable for four weeks. Thankfully my grandparents allowed us to borrow their large truck rather than incur four weeks of car rental expenses.

The next Monday, I had my wisdom teeth pulled, which didn't go so badly. Of course, it's having your wisdom teeth pulled, so it's not the most pleasant experience.

Then yesterday Matt was driving my Toyota Echo when it accelerated out of control. When he called to tell me, I didn't believe him, doublechecking that the Echo is not on the recall list. But, as Matt described what happened, yes, it did indeed accelerate. (Though, not quite out of control as Matt was able to stop the car.)

With two cars now unusable, our plan was for me to drive Matt to work each morning and he would catch a ride home with a coworker. This morning we got into the truck to leave... and the battery was dead. Really? Yes, really. Matt was furious, so I tried my best to stifle my laughter at the ridiculousness of the whole thing.

One more Monday left in April. Can't wait to see what it has in store. Actually, yes I can.

[viewer e-mail]

2010-03-16T10:43:00.000-05:00

Here's another taste of the pleasure that is e-mail from the viewing public:

Please do not tell me that after a week of NICE weather in the 60s and 70s that we are in for another round of FUCKING s*** especially seeing how Saturday is the 1st day of Spring!!!! You guys must think you are funny, but I am not laughing. In fact, I am irate with you morons right now. This makes absolutely no sense for it to be 70 degrees 2 days before this prediction. I think you idiots got your degrees in meteorology in the dark ages or something because that is impossible. If I see one flake come out of the sky, you all better beware of my wrath as it will come down harder than the Wrath of God! No stupid weather, then no wrath. Take that "s" word out of any future forecasts and I will be happy, but you put that in there then BEWARE!!!!

Watching, but Not Listening

2009-12-14T14:48:00.000-06:00

We recently ran a story on Bill O'Reilly grading President Barack Obama's performance from a less than extreme right wing perspective. O'Reilly shared an arguably fair assessment rather than simply shouting anti-Obama-isms. Here's a phone call we received after asking for viewer responses:

I'm gettin' tired-a you guys always puttin' up good things on the right side and not showin' the liberal side. So, I'd just like to say I'm gonna go ahead and talk with my uncle about him pullin' advertisement from [your station]. And then I'm also gonna stop watching [your station]. I've been watchin' you guys for years now, but I'm tired of this. You guys sit up here and just showed two good things from Bill O'Reilly and you don't show not one thing on the opposite side. So, sir, it's been nice all these years. It's been over 42 years, but I'm through.

Again, the point of the story was that an extreme right wing personality made an assessment of the president that was not exactly an extreme right wing perspective. O'Reilly expressed a viewpoint that was fairly moderate. The point was it wasn't a right wing assessment! The anchor even introduced the sound from O'Reilly with a slam on Fox News. If anything, the segment we ran was relatively left-biased.

So, thanks for watching all these years. If you would have also listened while watching, I'm sure those 42 years would not be at an end.

Change of Scenery

2009-11-18T14:36:00.000-06:00

I've decided to change my blog layout and, in the process, switch from using HaloScan for comments to using Blogger's comment system. Unfortunately, that means losing almost all of the comments left on this blog. I apologize for the loss.

[anti-democracy sentiment]

2009-11-06T10:47:00.000-06:00

I'm mulling a theory, based on reading political criticism. Do some/most Americans not really want Democracy, unless it favors their personal stance? I would think respect for democracy would mean respecting the fact the majority chose something other than my political opinion and, while I can voice my opinion, I should respectfully live with the will of the people.

[dream a little dream]

2009-10-05T14:52:00.000-05:00

The possibility of my dream becoming reality continues to waver between possible and not likely.

On the side of not likely, Matt hates his job. He comes home some weeks, every day of that week, miserable, upset with himself for taking a promotion into a department for which he is not qualified. It is those days he talks about finding a job elsewhere. I, of course, will support him, even if he comes home one day to tell me he just flat out quit. I wouldn't want to not work while being supported by someone who hates his job. That would not be fair. It would not be right on my part.

On the side of possible, Matt sometimes comes home talking about the difference he's making in his department and in the company as a whole! He's somewhat excited those days and very much proud of his accomplishments. It is those days he's certain he's being groomed to replace his boss. The day that happens is the day I get to put in my notice! And, with each accomplishment, it's becoming more likely and closer in time.

I still really want to stay at home, to take care of our home and make sure my man is happy and at peace in his home. And, to take care of the girls, being able to be there whenever they need someone to be with them. I would love it. But, I only want that if that's what Matt wants for us. He's said that's what he wants, that he likes to come home to me, especially when I have a meal ready and am excited to see him.

So, while it wavers, it still remains possible. And, I can continue to dream.

[my own suffering]

2009-09-09T11:27:00.000-05:00

I'm growing in my understanding that I create my own suffering. Not only do my mental and emotional reactions to things create my suffering, but so, too, do my actions.

Several people recently wrote to the station complaining of the reference to Romeo and Juliet included in a story about a couple of teens who ran away together. Knowing the outcome of Shakespeare's tale, it wasn't the best choice. Those who wrote to protest the use of the romantic reference complained that it was insensitive to the parents, which is arguably legitimate, as well as unprofessional, irresponsible and destroyed the efforts to find these teens. I disagree with the latter assessment, believing it blows the poorly thought through use of Romeo and Juliet in the story. (And, it was a fleeting mention, not a full comparison, but whatever.)

I have a problem with letting these things slide. I value the individual right to speak up with one's opinion in protest of an offense, perceived or real. I do not think it appropriate to blow it out of proportion, temper it with untruth and belittle people in the process of expressing criticism, all of which was part of every e-mail I saw to the station regarding this issue.

Did I read, disagree with and then delete the e-mails? Some, but not all. Despite my intuition telling me otherwise, I chose to respond, to try to right the wrongs expressed in some of the messages. It did not go over well and I suffer now for it.

One person responded to my response, with such condescension, misdirection of blame and a lot of name-calling and belittling of me, personally. Yes, that causes me some suffering. But, I suffer moreso because I got involved in the first place. I could've let this go and not been a part of something I wasn't a part of to begin with, but I didn't. I consistently ignore my always accurate intuition in favor of my pride and expectations of the human race to act in a civil manner. I should've let it go. Now, I feel guilt, anguish, personal doubt and discouragement, all of which I brought upon myself for sticking my nose in where it does not belong.

But, I learn from this experience, hopefully. In my meditation, I will redirect my focus to the positive, to respond to others only in a positive manner, avoiding contributing negativity to their life as well as mine and to avoid the bad karma that is the fruit of negative actions. I must keep my nose out of where it does not belong. Yes, I believe in accepting responsibility for one's actions. It is others' actions for which I should not speak, involving myself and my anger in places they are not deserved nor warranted.

[baby with the bath water... really]

2009-09-01T18:38:00.000-05:00

I just realized I titled my last post "baby with the bath water", but didn't write much related to that. It refers to the angriest e-mail of them all in response to the report on the missing teens. I responded to basically say this woman was throwing the baby out with the bath water, upset enough over one sentence to completely ignore any good that came of the story. And good did come of it! Many, many more people knew of the situation because of the report. Who knows how many joined the Facebook group to help find these kids because of it? Awareness was raised. Interest was piqued. Potential helpful eyes were provided because people saw this news report.

None of that matters to this woman, Maggie. "It could be a Romeo and Juliet story" wipes out everything else. Only that one sentence matters. Only those three seconds taken to speak it matter. I responded to her because her accusations were unjust. They were disrespectful. And, they were judgmental. Maggie reached a conclusion and judged the newsroom as guilty without finding out the facts, without doing any research nor contacting the station.

I think the greatest crime here is that she also didn't even see the report. The mother of the missing girl, the woman Maggie is speaking up for, also did not see the report. Someone saw it, told the mother and the mother posted a status on Facebook: "[News] reported on Samantha and Zach last night and referred to them as 'a modern-day Romeo and Juliet'. If anyone can find the video please post it on my wall - I don't know who said it but I'd really like to have his/her head on ...a pike. At the very least I'm going to take them to task for being such idiots."

So, the mother didn't see, was told about it somewhat incorrectly and is angry. I'm sure she's feeling a lot of emotions and this is understandable. I wouldn't know where to focus my anger, so I'd find someone to focus it on, too, I imagine. Her reaction is understandable.

Maggie's, however, is not. Maggie also did not see the report. She only knows about it because of the mother's Facebook status. And yet, Maggie is orchestrating a writing campaign out of third hand information and, based on the e-mails she sent to the newsroom, without accurate information. She wants to crucify the staff of the entire television station for sins which are not their's. I'm baffled by such outrage over something that's not known firsthand and comes out of misinformation. The writing campaign reminds me of health care town hall meetings, where people are standing up and shouting things that are not true, but they're so passionately angry about these untruths!

[baby with the bath water]

2009-08-30T16:27:00.000-05:00

A few people wrote some angry, condescending, threatening e-mails to the newsroom, upset because the reporter referred to the missing teens story as a Romeo and Juliet story. They claim it's insensitive to the parents, because Romeo and Juliet kill themselves in the end. They claim the station is telling the parents that these two kids will end up killing themselves.

I'm baffled by all of this, enough to even respond to one person. I tried to refrain, but I couldn't help but respond to the angriest most threatening e-mail of them all. After the e-mails started coming, I checked the story. The reporter, Kia, started the story with the line "It could be a Romeo and Juliet story," and then proceeded to provide all of the known facts as to what happened and what's happening in the search right now. (She didn't share the part about police knowing where they've been, but not wanting that part of the press release to be released to the public. Who puts information in a press release they don't want shared and then doesn't say not to share it in the same press release?) But, it was that one sentence that has a group of people up in arms.

"It could be a Romeo and Juliet story." Does that warrant such anger? Does that warrant contacting CNN and ABC to report the newsroom? (Which, is the wrong thing to do. ABC and CNN won't care nor do they control the local news and, therefore, aren't in a position to do anything about it. But, whatever.) I would agree it was a pour choice to use in the story, knowing the end and feuding families and all. I know why the reporter used it, but I don't think it was a good analogy. Even if it was a mistake, it was an unintentional one. Kia didn't set out to romanticize this story, nor sensationalize it. It sounded like a Romeo and Juliet thing, with two teen lovers running off together. That's where the comparison stops, which makes it a weak comparison. But, it doesn't deserve such wrath, such anger, such venom as is being directed toward the entire station.

That has me baffled, too. So, Kia said this sentence, which took all of three seconds. She chose to say it. It's likely only she knew she was going to say it on air until she said in on air, when now a handful of newsroom employees know she said it. And yet, this group wants to take down everyone in the building for one person's actions with which they disagree. That is not just. That is wrong. That is misguided.

[missing teens]

2009-08-27T20:17:00.000-05:00

There's a story today about two missing Moline teens. Apparently, they met at a park in Moline, where they ditched his car and left in her vehicle. According to the information provided to the newsroom, the motive for running away isn't known, although police do know where they've been based on something they've asked the media not to share, so I won't share it here, either.

I'm fascinated by this story! Why did they run away? What do they hope to do? Do they think it's the only way they can be together? Are they running from school? Home? What are their parents thinking? Feeling? I'm so curious to know more about this, which is an interest I rarely have in news stories.

[political superiority complex]

2009-07-16T13:42:00.000-05:00

I'm absolutely fed up with politics. And by that, I don't mean Capitol Hill. I mean the two party system as played out on the streets of America. And the core of the problem is this: in general, people think their political (or religious, even) beliefs are absolutely correct and the opposing party are absolutely wrong with no good things to offer whatsoever.

Hogwash! I'm a Democrat by party affiliation, but I believe that Republicans bring good things to the political table. I do not rule out anything and everything someone says, politically, simply because they are Republican. It's unfortunate that's not the case for what seems to be a majority of Americans.

[we finally slept through the night]

2009-05-20T12:12:00.000-05:00

We finally slept through the night
No 10 year old stuffed nose in site
Hannah did not wake
Restless night to make
Today I am feeling alright

[in a fairly bad mood am i]

2009-05-19T18:18:00.000-05:00

In a fairly bad mood am I
Playing messenger man don't fly
You speak to me
And I speak to he
Just tell him yourself, says I

[i know what you don't]

2009-04-25T17:42:00.000-05:00

Me: Newsroom

Caller: Yeah, I live in Galesburg and I'm getting channel 8 but there's no sound.

Me: Do you have cable or over the air?

Caller: I have basic cable and extended cable. I pay for both of them.

Me: Okay, there have been some problems with the cable provider in your area and our station. It's something on their end, so you need to call your cable provider.

Caller (miffed): But, I get all of the other channels just fine. It's just your's.

Me: Okay, but it's something on the cable provider's end that we cannot control. It's not happening at the station, it's the cable provider, which we're trying to work out with them, but you need to call your...

Caller: But, the picture is all fuzzy and...

Me (rolling eyes): Okay, we'll see what we can do. Thanks for your call.

[Hair Today]

2009-04-17T18:26:00.000-05:00

I've taken to not putting product in my hair. For one, it looks less thin when it's not confined by product. And, for two, I actually don't like doing my hair because I'm not really sure how to do it.

Instead, I wash my hair, drying it so it's spiked and then let it fall into place with the help of the return of its natural oils. By the time I get to work, it usually looks at least normal.

Today was no different, except that I am on air on Fridays in the 11:00 a.m. newscast. Did my hair fall into place? Some of it. But, not enough to look normal. Instead, I went on air with hair shooting in odd directions, and not in that "messed up to look good" way.

Even as I write this at 6:30, it's still a weird mess. Time to change my hair plans.

[little faith in humanity]

2009-04-14T15:15:00.000-05:00

I just received an e-mail from a viewer who says I'm worthy of his disgust. This after trying to defend our meteorologist against his false attacks.

It's these kinds of messages that are eating away at my spirit. While I love the idea of opening up the newscast to viewer comments and creating a dialogue with them, rather than just a lecture, I actually am growing to hate it in practice. My e-mail inbox, the website comment boards and my voice-mail are filled with hate-spewing messages from people who obviously speak of which they don't know, but with just conviction and complete disregard for their fellow human beings.

Allowing voices to be heard does not paint a pretty picture of people. I grow more and more disheartened, longing moreso for the day I can stay home and take care of the house and not have to deal with anyone else, except on my terms.

[don't be a snob]

2009-03-23T13:20:00.000-05:00

Just recalled a story from the days under the previous News Director.

Jason and I were working to get more in touch with our audience. We'd share ideas on how to interact with our newscast's viewers. One idea was to invite them to see a movie with us. We hoped to line it up with a local movie theater and invite viewers to join us at a certain time for an undisclosed movie. We wanted the focus to be on Jason and I (news anchor and movie reviewer) interacting with our audience. We didn't want it to be on the movie, so we weren't going to say which movie we were seeing. We'd then solicit reviews from those who attended and I'd use them in my next on-air review.

I presented the idea to our News Director at the time. She liked it, but immediately wanted to control it and take it in a bad direction. She said we could only do it if we invited viewers to a screening of an independent Christian movie produced by a couple of Quad Citians. I stood up to her and said I had several problems with it. One, the main one being the movie was terrible. I mean TERRIBLE! This is my reputation on the line. As a movie reviewer, it would've been the end of me to invite viewers to arguably the worst movie they've ever seen or will see. I'm exaggerating a bit here, but it was truly bad.

The ND talked to me about all of this in a corner of the newsroom. I tried to pull her into an edit bay, at least, for some privacy, knowing this to be inappropriate to be arguing so publicly. She refused. And, after making my points quietly to her, she raised her voice and told me not to be such a snob. What?!?!

Jason and I dropped the subject completely after that. The ND kept sending me release information and all of the stuff for us to go through with the viewing, but we ignored it, except for running a small story about it.

[CAT Is Not Cat]

2009-03-17T19:07:00.000-05:00

Me: Newsroom

Caller: Yes, I was just watching your coverage of CAT (Caterpillar) announcing layoffs and my cat, Max, purred and I said 'I know, Max. It's bad everywhere." And, I thought I should let you know.

Me: Thank you.

Another Lovely Call

2009-03-10T12:33:00.000-05:00

This was on my voicemail following the newscast the other night:

"Uh, yes, sir, you asked, uh, in the, in the first few minutes of your show today you went ahead and show how Proposition 8 in California public law, ya know, you showed nothin’ but uh, people who are, uh, are for gay marriage including the, uh, um (clears throat) pardon me for that, including the, uh, the state, uh, legislature. I’m sorry, um, state, uh, you know, um, you know, Supreme Court. You didn’t show any kind of conservative view."

Actually, that's not true. Here are the soundbytes:

Shannon Minter/Anti-Prop 8 Attorney: "a simple majority can't take away the rights of a minority."

Chief Justice Ron George/CA Supreme Court then refutes that point: "The fact is there have been initiatives that have taken away rights of minorities."

Kenneth Starr/Pro-Prop 8 Attorney: "The right of the people is inalienable to control their constitution through the amendment process."

And, we finish with some woman on the street: "When rights are denied to one group, they'll be denied to others."

So, I actually chose two for and two against, and the arguments for Prop 8 (which I'm against) are actually stronger than the arguments against.

But, this caller isn't done yet:

"Um, stock market today went ahead and dropped 300 points. Uh, uh, since the beginning of the year, I’ve lost more, I mean, like, 70-percent of my retirement, m‘kay? Which means I have to work quite a few years longer than that. Uh, and you guys haven’t even, even reported that within the first, uh, ten minutes. You can’t, um, I’m sorry, within the first four minutes. If you can, give me a call back. Thanks. Bye."

I've covered the economic news ad nauseum for weeks, usually leading with it. On this day, I decided to move it lower, since it was just more of the same, and actually make a small segment on the economy, so it flowed better. Nope, didn't happen in the first four minutes! Oh, but Jason actually did say the Dow dropped to a new record low when he first started the show, so it was in the first four minutes.

Tonight I plan to start the show with: In tonight's news, John Doe lost 70-percent of his retirement and will have to work more years than expected.

Making Her Own Argument Against Her Argument

2009-03-06T12:29:00.000-06:00

Last night, I ran a story on Craiglist being sued because it's used for prostitution. I started off the story with this line:

The Cook County Sheriff is suing one of the nation's busiest websites -- Craigslist -- charging it as a haven for the world's oldest profession.

This is the voicemail I received in response to that line alone:

Um, it was just stated the terminology “the oldest profession”. And, I think that relates to Adam and Eve. And, (sighs) how do you consider that Eve had a profession? What did Adam pay her? I think it’s an offense to the bible that that’s related to Adam and Eve. If that was the purpose of saying, you know, prostitution or something, it would be good that you corrected it or explained what you mean. I’m not being picky. It’s just offensive to god’s word.

Wow. Mind you, this isn't a comment on the story itself, but simply regarding my use of the phrase "world's oldest profession".

She starts out by destroying her own argument. "How do you consider Eve had a profession?" So, we both agree she didn't. Which means, the "world's oldest profession" does not refer to Eve, obviously.

She also thinks it offensive that the phrase relates to Adam and Eve. But, she's already acknowledged that SHE thinks it relates to Adam and Eve. She didn't state that it DOES relate. She said SHE THINKS it does. It doesn't.

Then she goes on to acknowledge that she knows the "world's oldest profession" is prostitution. Okay, then why are you calling? Are you against the phrase altogether or just my use of it? If altogether, what do you expect me to do about it?

This point gets worse as she says I should've have explained what I meant by it. Um, the entire story was about prostitution. I need to explain that? This woman is either stupid or heard that phrase, grabbed her phone and jumped onto her pulpit before actually listening to the story. Sorry to offend, but that's the typical christian response -- not thinking before speaking.

But, she's not being picky. Actually, based on your own argument, you are being picky. Thanks for calling.

What's Wrong at Work

2009-02-20T08:27:00.000-06:00

I've been quite moody, snippy at work lately. It's bothering me greatly, as I'm very much a person I don't want to be while at work. At home or elsewhere, I'm fine. At work, not so much. So, I'm trying to assess the problem.

One, it could be restlessness. I'm only still a producer because I'm hanging on, waiting for a position to open up in the Creative Services department. That's what I really want to do, produce commercials. That's where my strengths and talents would best be used. Staying on as a producer, which I'm not passionate about, means staying on as an employee of WQAD and, therefore, having a better shot at a position in CS. It doesn't guarantee it, but I'm sure it helps.

The restlessness comes in as I get this sense there will never be an opening in CS. Or, that the opening that comes will be the one position I don't want, because the schedule is worse than my current schedule. So, I'll have waited all these years for nothing.

Two, it could be lack of clear expectations. I work best, thrive actually, when I have clear expectations and, at the same time, autonomy to work to meet them. I want direction, but I don't want to be micro-managed. Correct me when I'm not meeting expectations, praise me when I am, but don't tell me what to do and how to do them all along the way. Lay out the plan and then let me execute it.

For years, I've had no clear expectations. The 6:30 is left alone, almost ignored by the rest of the newsroom. Maybe it's because I'm trusted, which is good, but it means I don't know what expectations are of me and I'm not praised for anything. It's fostered a bitter, apathetic, uninspired, bored attitude in me.

The current News Director is taking more interest in the 6:30. However, his style is to lay little things on here and there, which affect the things I've already come up with to try to meet his expectations. Each meeting leaves me frustrated with an inability to do what he expects, and continued lack of clarity in the overall picture of what he expects. I like and respect him, but don't respond well to his style of leading. I'm still not getting clear expectations, nor praise, nor even correction, so I'm left to flounder and my spirit to continue to fade.

Three, my diet doesn't balance my emotions. I may be drinking too much caffeine at too odd of intervals, which is throwing my mood all over the place. I also may not be getting enough protein. I'm also likely getting too many carbs at the wrong times, putting me way out of whack. Right now, I'm trying to eat a high fiber diet, but I think I need to make it smaller meals throughout the day, so that my brain is never without food.

I really, really just want to be a homemaker. I really want to stay home, take care of the house and garden and have meals ready for Matt when he comes home. I would thrive on that. Working among so many people wears me out. I'm an introvert and prefer time alone or in small groups. A newsroom full of people is too much for me to handle.

[i have a question, but don't care about the answer]

2009-01-23T18:36:00.000-06:00

Me: Newsroom

Caller: Yeah, hun, I have a question for you.

Me: Go ahead.

Caller: Aren't they supposed to pull all peanut butter products from store shelves.

Me: Well, it's a voluntary recall and companies and stores, like HyVee, are only pulling the products with a direct link to the contaminated factory.

Caller: Well, HyVee on ??? Has Country Market peanut butter snacks on their shelves. They aren't pulling them.

Me: Okay, again, the recall is voluntary and only products linked to the contaminated factory are being pulled.

Caller: Well, they'd better hope nobody gets sick, because I'll sue their asses off! (sarcastically) Have a nice night.

Click.

She was one of those callers who calls with an agenda, wanting to tattle on HyVee, and won't listen because they've already prepared what they are going to say regardless of what you say. Her point was invalid, but she made it anyway. And, good luck in court!

[i really hate answering the newsroom phone]

2009-01-16T18:29:00.000-06:00

Me: Newsroom.

Caller: Did one of your announcers, or whatever they are, just say "I love that man", referring to Barack Obama.

Me: You'll have to hold on. I don't work with the 6:00, so I'll have to confirm that.

I put her on hold and looked in the 6:00 rundown. The only mention of Barack Obama was in the 6:30 tease. So, I asked the 6:30 anchor if he or the 6:00 anchor said anything like "I love that man" during the tease. He said the 6:00 anchor said something like "Gotta love those stories", referring to a tease about funny Obama inauguration stories the 6:30 anchor had teased.

Me: I just spoke with the 6:30 anchor, who said the 6:00 anchor said "Gotta love those stories" in reference to silly, fun stories about the inauguration.

Caller (very angry and accusatory, gunning for a fight): NO. He said "I love that man!"

Me: Well, I can't confirm that.

Caller: Well, then, we'll just go from here.

Click

She just called back asking how to spell Jason's last name. Evidently, she's sending him a letter of complaint. I'll be sending her video of the aircheck to prove her wrong.

[identity, not quite, theft]

2009-01-13T11:03:00.000-06:00

Last night, I tried to sign us up for Qwest DSL. I got to the end of the process when I was denied confirmation without first calling a customer representative, which I did. She told me I could not open an account because there's a bill on my account (which I just opened?). Apparently, Donneshia White owes Qwest some money and is listed as my relative. I informed the rep that I do not know a Donneshia. She confirmed my SSN and address and noted that neither match Donneshia's info.

The Qwest rep took care of it and confirmed my DSL. Still, how did this Donneshia get linked to me? There are no signs of identity theft, but there is a problem in that this same situation could come up again when I try to sign up for other services.

Recently, I discovered websites where you can do background checks on people. I checked myself and, sure enough, Donneshia is listed as my relative. No one else, just Donneshia. I then did a check on her. I am listed as her relative and all of my former addresses are listed as her former addresses, too. WTF? Further digging revealed that her house number is 316 in Davenport. My house number is also 316. In fact, we live just a few blocks from each other. So, we have the same last name and the same house number. That, apparently, is enough to link us as relatives.

I really don't think it's a matter of identity theft, but rather a matter of a collector linking us, as collectors go after anyone that could remotely be possibly related. With no clue how to do so, I'm now setting out to get this corrected.

[disturbing scripture]

2009-01-12T13:04:00.000-06:00

As I continue down my current path of spiritual contemplation, the following are troubling points from the Bible. I'm not trying to prove or disprove anything. These just disturb me.

2 Kings 2:23-24

Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up by the way, young lads came out from the city and mocked him and said to him, "Go up, you baldhead; go up, you baldhead!" When he looked behind him and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the LORD. Then two female bears came out of the woods and tore up forty-two lads of their number.

So, God had 42 kids killed by bears for teasing someone for being bald? How does that align with His command that Thou Shall Not Kill? I could understand God being above His own law, but killing for calling someone bald? Sheesh!

Hosea 13:16
Samaria will be held guilty, For she has rebelled against her God. They will fall by the sword, Their little ones will be dashed in pieces, And their pregnant women will be ripped open.

Okay, Samaria was really bad, worshipping idols. But, bad enough to have babies ripped from the womb? Doesn't sound Pro-Life to me! It also conflicts with Deuteronomy 24:16 – “The fathers shall not be put to death for the children, neither shall the children be put to death for the fathers: every man shall be put to death for his own sin.” If, children are not punished for their father’s sin, then why were babies ripped from the womb? Oh, wait, let’s forget Deuteronomy 24:16 and go with Exodus 20:5 instead. It says “I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation. “ So, children are punished for their father’s sin! Rip those babies out! Oh, wait. We still have two conflicting verses. Should I also mention Malachi 3:6 - "I the LORD do not change.” So, then, why does His stance on punishment from generation to generation change?

Matthew 5:22
"But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, 'You good-for-nothing,' shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, 'You fool,' shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.

So, call someone a fool and you’re going to hell. But, just a few chapters later, Matthew 23:17, Jesus is guilty of the very thing he said is worthy of hell - "You fools and blind men! Which is more important, the gold or the temple that sanctified the gold?” There are several other verses where he calls others fools, too.

And, what about this list of contradictions?

"For I am merciful, saith the Lord, and I will not keep anger forever." (Jeremiah 3:12)
“Ye have kindled a fire in mine anger, which shall burn forever." (Jeremiah 17:4)

"If I testify about myself, my testimony is not valid." (John 5:31)
"Jesus answered: Even if I testify on my own behalf, my testimony is valid." (John 8:14)

"And Jesus coming, spoke to them, saying: All power is given to me in heaven and in earth." (Matthew 28:18)
"the whole world is under control of the evil one." (1 John 5:19)

And Jesus said, "For judgement I am come into this world." (John 9:39)
"I came not to judge the world" (John 12:47)

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)
"Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven." (Matthew 6:1)

"Jacob said, 'I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.'" (Genesis 32:30)
"No man hath seen God at any time." (John 1:18)

We should fear God (Matthew 10:28)
We should love God (Matthew 22:37)
There is no fear in love (1 John 4:18)

[another cup, please]

2009-01-05T08:12:00.000-06:00

I think I've blogged about this before, or something similar. Either way, I need to blog more, so if this is somewhat of a repeat, please forgive me.

I long resisted the expectation to become a coffee drinker. Not wanted to get addicted to the stuff, I refused to drink coffee, only rarely having a flavored latte. I didn't even drink much coffee while working at a coffee house, which made me the source of good-natured ridicule. The resistance is over.

Long over, in fact. Earlier this year, I started regularly consuming the stuff. And, just what I wanted to avoid, I'm addicted. I get headaches when I don't have a cup in the morning, forcing me to grab a cup at work, which means I'm really desperate because the coffee at work is really bad. I do hate the coffee breath, and try to brush my teeth or chew gum right after a cup, but otherwise, I really enjoy my cup of coffee. I guess this makes me average.

Over the weekend, Matt and I got our hands on a new coffeemaker. It's the first I've ever owned, actually, not counting my French Press. (Why did I even have a French Press when I didn't drink coffee? I don't know. I think it was a gift from my mother and I asked for it, but I don't know why I even asked for it. Oh, well.) Matt's mother gave us her year old, hardly used coffeemaker. It proved too difficult for her husband to handle, so, after only a few uses, she stored it away and bought a much simpler coffeemaker. This, to our benefit, mind you. We now own a grind and brew coffeemaker! I dump the beans and water in (not in the same compartment, of course) and we make up to freshly ground, then freshly brewed coffee! Mmm, good.

[can somebody get that!]

2008-12-23T16:58:00.000-06:00

So, I was just on my cell phone on a call while in the newsroom when the main newsroom line started ringing. With 5 to 10 other people in the room, I figured someone would get it. Nope. So, I hurriedly ended my own phone call to answer the newsroom phone... only to have the caller hang up on me right away. Thank you, my fellow co-workers. Thank you.

[dancing, dancing, dancing!]

2008-12-15T12:55:00.000-06:00

Last night, I was part of "Ballroom With the QC Celebrities", a local version of Dancing With the Stars. It's an annual event, with proceeds going to Gilda's Club of the Quad Cities.

I didn't win. Oh, well. It was actually a bit hard to take during the show. Gianni, the guy behind the dancing, kept telling me what a strong dancer I am and even asked my partner and I to be the first couple to dance, as he wanted to start the show off with a solid performance. I knew I wouldn't have the audience vote, having a small circle of friends and family, but I wanted to win score-wise. Those hopes were dashed when the judges held up their cards -- 9, 8, 9. The 8 was actually changed from what the judge initially intended to score us, but I do not know if he changed up or down. I was disappointed, but thought the judges were perhaps tough judges. Then the next couple danced. Nope, not tough.

The third or fourth couple got perfect scores. I wasn't mad, but completely confused. That couple made obvious mistakes and had terrible form. And they got a perfect score?!? I kept asking my partner if we'd messed up or weren't as good as Gianni had told us we were.

It didn't take long to figure out what was happening. The final scores were supposed to be similar to the TV show's scoring system, with part of the score coming from the judges and the rest from audience vote. Well, these judges for the local show were not all dance professionals. And, instead of basing their score on actually watching us, they would wait to hear how the audience reacted and then decide on the number they'd hold up. So, the score was pretty much entirely audience motivated. I sold 9 tickets to family. The winner sold 300. There was no hope for me.

So, I didn't win. Once I figured out it wasn't a legitimate dance contest, it no longer matter. It was all about raising money for charity, so it's all good. I just wish I'd known that ahead of time. I wouldn't have put so much pressure on myself.

But, I received an even greater honor than winning the show. Gianni asked me to return next year, not as a star, but as a professional dancing with another star!

[elfed for christmas]

2008-12-03T12:39:00.000-06:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

[karma's a... well, you know]

2008-12-01T14:56:00.000-06:00

It snowed yesterday. A lot. Four inches, actually. And, it continued to snow this morning, which affected my morning drive to drop off the girls at school.

I hate driving on the first day of snow because Quad Citians drive as if they've never driven on snow before today. I can understand caution, but 10 miles per hour in a 35? That's absolutely ridiculous. I even got stuck behind a four wheel drive vehicle doing 25 in a 45. I drive an Echo, which doesn't handle icey or snowy roads well. But, I know it well enough to know what it can handle. It shouldn't be able to handle the roady better than a four wheel drive vehicle, but I knew it could handle speeds higher than 20 miles per hour below the speed limit. Sheesh! And the roads are not that bad! They're wet, yes. But, they're not icey. Well, except for the side roads.

After dropping off the girls, I cursed the other drivers (especially the woman in the four wheel drive) all the way home. Seriously, this is the Midwest. It snows every year, people! Aren't you used to it by now?

After dropping off the girls at school, I return home to clean up and prepare for my day at work. I left a little later than I should have and decided to take a different route than I usually take. I prefer a slower drive to work, but there's a way to get there that cuts 5 to 10 minutes off my drive time, depending on traffic and traffic lights. I chose the quicker route, which includes a few blocks through a neighborhood side road.

While on said side road, I thought to myself, "It sure would be nice to be able to buy a cheap vehicle that handles the snowy roads better just to use in the winter." I should've realized that, mixed with the bad karma I'd accumulated cussing out the other "snow virgin" drivers, this was foreshadowing.

One block later, I approached a stop sign at a T intersection. The road slopes downhill a bit to the stop sign. Giving myself extra time to stop on the snowy road, I applied the breaks earlier than I usually would. The wheels stopped moving, but my car did not. I let up and tried again. My car continued to slide. Mind you, I'm not travelling that fast. I was driving 10, maybe 15 miles per hour at this point. But, the car would not slow down. As I slid toward the intersection, I realized I would not be able to stop. But, since I'm not going that fast, I might be able to make the turn. I turned the wheel and ended up sliding around the corner, slamming my front passenger side wheel into the curb. As I pulled away, I could hear the tire intermittently scrape the wheel well. Pulling over, it looked like it was only scraping the snow that had accumulated, so I decided to drive just a few blocks to my preferred auto mechanic.

The ride was rough. The car was hard to steer and pulled in odd directions. With my hazard lights on, and other drivers suddenly used to the snow and driving like mad people around me, I made it to the auto mechanic. They speculated it was my suspension, which they could fix, but that they couldn't actually look at and diagnose until later in the day.

I walked two blocks to a car rental place, rented a car and then headed to work.

Two hours later, the auto mechanic called. I bent up a lot of things under the tire. Very badly. They can fix it, but they have to order parts from Des Moines, so it could take two or three days. And, it'll cost $1200. Yikes! I'm praying insurance covers this and I only have to pay the deductible.

[does it top 'top chef']

2008-11-20T08:34:00.000-06:00

Wednesday night is my favorite TV night. And, the TV is locked to Bravo all evening. I can't get enough of Bravo's reality shows, Project Runway being my favorite.

Unfortunately, Wednesday nights are also the best nights to review a play in order to get it on air for Thursday. Thus, I have a new standard. Was this worth missing Top Chef for?

Taming My Inner-A**hole

2008-11-19T11:03:00.000-06:00

I'm studying Buddhism. More on that in another post.

As I'm studying Buddhism, I'm much more aware of my actions and attitudes and how they affect the happiness of others. I'm calling it becoming aware of my inner-a**hole. And, I'm trying to, not only tame him, but get rid of him altogether. However, today, I consiously chose to use him, which I now regret.

The person who makes the graphics for my on air reviews walked up to me and, with anger and desperation, told me he really needs the logo for this week's review. I informed him that I sent it to him last week. Still in frustration, he implied that I had not and he never saw it. I went back to my desk, found the e-mail (which I sent to him last Thursday) and forwarded the e-mail which I'd already sent to him so he could see that it had, indeed, been sent.

Funny, but also cruel. And, the type of behavior I'm working to overcome.

Correct Their Mistake!!!

2008-11-03T15:25:00.000-06:00

A coworker just finished taking a call from a viewer. Apparently, the viewer was upset about a story with incorrect information. The story ran in one of the local newspapers. So, why is she calling the TV newsroom? Well, because we ran the story correctly last week. So, we should run it again, because we got the information right. Shouldn't the paper run a retraction? Oh, no. We got it right, we should run it again!

Democracy and Mudslinging

2008-11-03T14:47:00.000-06:00

I don't get the "vote for me because you shouldn't vote for him" style of campaigning or promoting your candidate of choice. I may be wrong, but it screams anti-democracy to me.

Okay, I understand that, in terms of winning an election, you can spread enough lies about the other candidate so that people won't vote for him or her and then likely vote for you. But, that's not democracy.

Isn't democracy giving the people voice by allowing them to elect someone who represents their political views? Thus, if my views are most in line with Ralph Nader, then I should vote for Ralph Nader (for the record, I didn't. It's just an example.) If her views most match Elesha Gayman's, then she should vote for Elesha Gaymen. I wholeheartedly agree with that and see it as true democracy. Sure, it's naive in this day and age of what's become of American Democracy. But, while I may fail, I don't believe it at all right to look down on someone else because they're going to vote for someone other than Ralph Nader (still continuing the example). I placed my vote on Saturday. If a candidate other than the one for which I voted becomes president, I will not torch my neighbor's car. I will not rant and rave. Honestly, I will he content, trusting that more voters are in line with the other candidate than are in line with the one I support. Again, naive, but still what I believe is true democracy.

I can understand pointing out lies from the other candidate or voting records that are incongruent with a candidates policies. That can actually shed light on the true stance of a candidate. However, having had coffee with a now-known terrorist or passing a paper towel to a Communist in a men's bathroom after they'd washed their hands has no place in the political discussion, in my opinion. It seems to me an attempt to win, but because I, the candidate, truly represent the majority of the people, but because I, the candidate, demand to be elected in any way. It says to me that I, the supporter of a candidate, do not believe in democracy. I believe my candidate should be in office and no other regardless of whether or not she actually respresents a majority of the people. That's not democracy.

Equal Opportunity Politics at the Movies

2008-10-17T14:55:00.000-05:00

I find it quite interesting that there's equal opportunity party-line bias at the movie theater this week. And, I think it's a good thing! In fact, it's true democracy, with different viewpoints sharing the same space.

"W." is a biased account of George W. Bush, as told by the hardly accurate Oliver Stone. At least it's a comedy, which makes the stretched truth a lot of fun, rather than something to take seriously.

There's also "An American Carol", a conservative comedy poking fun at left-wingers. While I don't take refuge under the wing of the right, I think it's nice to see a comedy filled with jokes about the left.

I think it would be delightful to make it a double feature and enjoy a laugh with both sides of the political aisle.

Bumper Chuckle

2008-10-17T11:44:00.000-05:00

I noticed a bumper sticker that actually led to an out loud laugh from me during my drive to work this morning.

"At least I can still smoke in my car"

I think it was meant to be sarcastic in tone, but I found it funny.

But, My Family Didn't See It!

2008-10-15T16:12:00.000-05:00

Me: Newsroom

Caller: Yeah, I'm ____ and that little Mexican girl, I think it was, and a photographer came down and interviewed me about a benefit we're having this weekend. You aired it once and I'd like you to air it again tonight, tomorrow night and Friday.

That "little Mexican girl"?!?!? Nice. :-\

Me: Well, that's up to the assignment editor, but it's highly unlikely that it'll run again as it's run as a story already.

Caller: Well, I saw it, but a lot of my family didn't see it so we'd like you to run it again so they can see it.

So, it's not about re-running the story to promote the benefit but about re-running the story so the family, who already knows about the benefit, can see the story on the news.

Me: We don't re-run stories simply because someone missed it, but I can pass the request along, although I highly doubt it'll run again.

Caller: Well, Gino, the owner of the restaurant where the benefit is being held, requested it re-run, too.

Oh, wait! Gino requested it? Oh, that's a different story!

Me: Again, I'll pass the request along, but I highly doubt it'll run again.

Caller: Okay, thank you.

This is kind of a tough one, as it is for a benefit, a good cause. However, those behind the benefit are basically asking for the newsroom's help, which it gave. But, that's not enough. We demand more! And, not for the sake of the benefit, but so the family can see it? Wow.

[if i could fly...]

2008-10-14T16:11:00.000-05:00

I would.

Divided Attention

2008-10-13T17:20:00.000-05:00

Forgive me for re-entering the blogging game and then not posting much. My attention is actually divided between blogs, with more of it going to Newsroom Nuisances, where I post stories from the newsroom, mainly crazy phone calls.

Part of it is I'm too sensitive and take things too personally. I blog to share my thoughts and hear the thoughts of others so that I can learn from them. If you don't agree with what I'm saying, let me know in the comments and explain your stance. I'm open-minded and moldable, taking what I hear/read, processing it and either respecting but rejecting it or incorporating it into my personal viewpoints. The problem is, I'm admittedly thin-skinned and have trouble reading comments that are mean and degrading. Can't we share differing opinions in a respectful manner? At any rate, I'm aware of my weakness and working on it, so comment away. I want to learn from you.

Then Why Bother Wasting My Day?

2008-10-13T17:12:00.000-05:00

Me: Newsroom.

Caller: I just heard on your little station that you can find out where you can vote early by going to your Internet, but some of us don't have Internet. Can't you just tell us on the news?

Me: Well, there are so many places, it would take too long to list during the newscast.

Caller: Well, it would help those of us who don't have Internet. What about Rock Island County? You used to be able to go over to the courthouse and that was where you'd vote, but I don't know now.

Me: Well, you could call the county or the courthouse by looking up the number in the phone book.

Caller: Well then the news doesn't do us much good, does it?

Click.

I should note I was in the process of looking up the information for her when she hung up on me. Thus, I could've done her "much good".

Granted, it's a fairly valid point, but does it justify condemning all of newsdome? If so, does that mean I can just go home? Please?

Call for Hot Action

2008-10-10T17:43:00.000-05:00

Me: Newsroom.

Caller: Yes, about this 8 on my si... err, 8 on your side, err, 8 on your... How do I reach them?

Me: Well, the Call for Action volunteers are in from 11 to 1 each weekday.

Caller: Yes, well I called before 1 and got some line for teenagers.

Me: What number are you using?

Caller: 800-555-2255.

Me: Well, the number is 555-2255, but I don't think it works with the 800 in front of it. It's in area code 309.

Caller: I called the 309 last time and they gave me the 800 number to call.

Me: Let me check.

Me (after checking): The volunteers are gone for the day and no one in the newsroom knows anything about an 800 number for Call for Action.

Caller: Well, 309 is long distance for me and they told me I could call 800-555-2255. But, I everytime I call it, I get a sex line and I don't need that.

Me: Well, I can transfer you to their voicemail and they can call you back.

Caller: Okay, that will be fine.

So, a "line for teenagers" is a sex line and, despite reaching a sex line using 800, she kept calling it.

My Job is to Watch TV All Day

2008-10-10T17:42:00.000-05:00

Me: Newsroom.

Caller: Yeah, what happened to Chris Williams today?

Me: He's sick.

Caller: No he's not. He's reporting from the New York Stock Exchange. Don't you watch TV?

Me: No, I'm at work, so I can't watch TV.

Caller: Don't you work for a TV station and you're not watching TV?

Me: Yes, but I'm working, writing scripts all day. I don't just sit and watch TV.

Caller (sounding drunk): Oh, you're writing scripts. Well, I'm in Davenport and I thought Brian Williams was across the river and I'd catch him.

I think he was getting Charlie Gibson, who is in Davenport tonight, confused with Brian Williams, who is not.

Trying to Avoid Bias

2008-10-08T19:06:00.000-05:00

Tonight, I decided to focus the newscast on sorting through the statements made during last night's Presidential Debate. Specifically, I wanted to sort out the untruths, err, rather, the stretching of truths done by each of the candidates. This was a bit of a daunting task, as the number of untruths to be corrected could've filled more than just a half hour newscast. So, I had to pair them down.

In pairing them down, I decided to use just the statements that would actually impact the average voter. So, Obama's statement that the government invented the computer, while wrong, was not necessary to include in the newscast. Instead, I selected statements made about healthcare plans, energy and taxes. Unfortunately, McCain told more untruths under those topics than did Obama. Not good.

Do I even need to say that everyone believes the media is left wing biased? That pretty much goes without saying, even though I just said it. Well, it's not all-encompassingly true. At the national level, sure. At the local level, maybe, maybe not. I tried hard to make sure the newscasts I produce are not biased. In fact, I go overboard, giving a little preference to the politcal views opposite mine in order to try to compensate for any of my personal bias that could creep in, as it's bound to do. (Although, that does create a bit of a biased newscast, it's just not my bias.) Anyway, I'm starting to babble.

As I stacked the show, it came across as anti-McCain. That's not a good thing. I had to re-arrange stories and try to pick and choose even more carefully in order to try to balance out the untruths pointed out. Unforunately, the show still included one more untruth from McCain than it did Obama. As the show progressed on the air, I anticipated the upset phone calls to the newsroom screaming "BIAS BIAS BIAS!" It wasn't bias, as that's the way things played out in the debate last night. I couldn't win, except to suppress some of McCain's lies. But, in so doing, my trying to be unbiased, I would've actually been biased by including all of Obama's untruths in the chosen categories while only including some of McCain's.

Why am I sharing this? I don't really know, except to vent my nervousness about viewers getting angry about any perceived bias. It was not intended. In fact, being unbiased is not necessarily cut and dry while writing the news. Sometimes the truth just rolls out in a way that will comes across as biased.

Because We Can Afford It

2008-09-30T17:51:00.000-05:00

Me: Newsroom

Caller: Yeah, this bailout that Congress is debating, I'd like to see the news media bring up the idea that they should give each household $100,000 instead of to these banks. Because then we'd spend it and it would help our economy. Don't you think that's a good idea?

Me: Uh.... okay.

Feed My Need

2008-09-25T11:23:00.000-05:00

I followed a large 4x4 truck to work today. It had several sticker on its tailgate reading "DRILL DRILL DRILL", "SARAH WILL DRILL" and "McCAIN WILL DRILL". Regardless of my stance on drilling or on McCain/Palin, I thought it odd. Isn't the truck part of the problem? It struck me that it's very American to drive around in something that's part of the problem while demanding something that will not fix the problem, but will allow my "part of the problem" ways to continue.

Then I noticed the truck is a "FlexFuel" vehicle. So, I'm driving a truck that uses technology with the ability to run on less oil-based gasoline than "normal" trucks, but I'm demanding more oil be drilled? Am I missing something?

Back to Blogging

2008-09-23T14:57:00.000-05:00

After an encouraging note from a former fellow blogger, I've decided to take a stab at this once again. However, I've yet to decide what to blog about. I really don't think I have much to say, but enjoy comments with perpsectives other than mine. It's a chance for me to be exposed to other viewpoints and consider them, as I strive to keep an open mind.

[punctured tires be damned]

2008-09-23T13:52:00.000-05:00

Sunday morning, I looked out the window and saw a woman bent over next to her parked van, picking up pieces of a broken bottle in the alley and angrily flinging them into our yard.

Me (angrily): Excuse me. Why are you throwing glass into our yard?

Weird Lady (snippily): I'm not throwing glass into YOUR yard.

Lady switches to slowly picking up glass and gently setting it down on the edge of the alley.

Me: I'll grab a broom and come out and help you.

Weird Lady: I can't afford a punctured tire and I'm not throwing....

Her voice trailed off as I went back into the house to get a broom. I walked out to find her still babbling on about not being able to afford a punctured tire.

Me (lightheartedly, hoping to make the mood friendlier): Being on the alley, we get bottles and cans tossed into our yard all the time.

Weird Lady: I'm not throwing glass into your yard. I can't afford a punctured tire...

Me (cutting her babbling off): No, I mean drunk people throw things into our yard, especially at the corner of the alleys.

Weird Lady: Well, I can't afford a punctured tire, blah, blah, blah, afford, blah, blah, blah, blah, tire, blah, blah.

I quickly attempt to sweep a vehicle sized path free of glass so she'll drive off sooner rather that later and I will later clean up the rest of the glass. As soon as I have a pile of glass to one side, an elderly man approaches in his car, I move to the side and he drives RIGHT OVER THE PILE OF BROKEN GLASS, friendly waving to me as he passes.

Me, to Weird Lady: I've cleaned off an area where you can pass through now.

Weird Lady: Well, I can't afford to have a punctured tire, so, blah, blah, blah.

Finally, she's content with the path and goes back to her car. I politely wish her a good day and then, in her full view, turn around and begin picking big pieces of glass out of our yard, which she threw there.

[noisy, crazy, sloppy, lazy loafers! and while we’re on the subject]

2008-09-17T07:58:00.000-05:00

Kids!

I never wanted kids. Maybe I've said it before, but I never had a desire to be a dad. One, I'm too self-centered and over-protective of my personal time. Two, I would feel guilty about bringing a person into this cruel world (actually, that's something I used to think, but no longer). And, three, I'm afraid I would be responsible for their psychological problems, that they would grow up a mess because I screwed up as a parent. I never wanted that responsibility, because I was certain I'd parent irresponsibly.

Wouldn't you know, though, I end up partnered with a man who has two kids. Fate has a twisted sense of humor. What amazes me is how much I love those girls. I believe I would give my life for either one of them. I even remember visiting Madison in the hospital after she was hit by a car and seeing the pain in her eyes as she struggled to try to make the pain go away. I had to summon all of my strength not to cry in front of her, which could've made it worse. I prayed so hard that somehow I could take that pain instead so that she would feel none. This usually smiling, laughing, optimistic little four year old didn't deserve to be hurting so much. Just let me hurt for her. Please.

I love those girls so much, not just because I love their father, but because I love them. It's something that surprises me and encourages me that maybe a small part of me isn't so self-centered after all.

[state of the union]

2008-09-12T13:56:00.000-05:00

Politics drive me nuts. Mainly, I have a problem with how they’re handled today, by the politicians and by voters.

Working in a newsroom, I daily receive e-mails from a specific candidate’s supporter stating what’s wrong with the “other” candidate. It really eats away at me. I can’t understand that approach. So, I should vote for Jerry simply because Jim is a liar? It doesn’t matter that I share none of Jerry’s views. Because Jim is a liar, Jerry should have my vote. That’s ridiculous! And the campaigns do it, too! This, my friend, is not democracy.

Democracy means the candidate with whom most citizens agree is the one in office. Ideally, the candidates would not talk about each other, but share their own stances truthfully and we would vote for the one with which we most agree. Majority wins. That’s democracy! That’s also not even remotely likely in the state of politics today.

That’s why it’s important to inform yourself as a voter, doing your own research on the candidates and their stances because they’re not going to do it for you.

That’s also why I, personally, don’t believe in arguing over politics nor trying adamantly to sway people to vote one way or another. I believe in informing about the issues, but not about battering people to vote “my” way. I believe in education, not intimidation. I don’t get angry at people who plan to vote for McCain, even though I will be voting for Obama. I don’t get in their face and tell them the bad things about McCain. I believe, if their political viewpoints match those of McCain’s, then they should vote for McCain and I would encourage them to do so. And, if a majority of Americans truly share McCain’s viewpoints, even though I want to see Obama in office, then I think McCain should be president because he truly represents the people. I will be disappointed, but I will respect the decision of my fellow countrymen.

I do fear, however, that too many voters are uninformed and vote along party lines, whether or not they actually agree with the candidate or even with the party with which they are affiliated. And, no, I don’t think being informed means you’ll vote for Obama. Being informed means you know where the candidates stand and you choose your candidate based on that information when compared with your personal political stance.